Sunday

This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me.


Right now I am watching 'Yes, Man!' and the part is playing when the guy is about to jump off the roof and Jim Carrey sings....... "I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, you could cut ties with all the lies that you've been livin' in......" E-P-I-C.

The other day someone asked me the most repetitive and redundant (yes, I get that it is repetitive and redundant to say both repetitive and redundant, that's the joke) question. The infamous, "why aren't you married?" My initial reaction is usually something like, "I'm only 24 years old! I have PLENTY of time before I am tied down for eternity!" Instead of that response, I usually try my best to give a humble and honest answer to the question while still staying confident and not sounding depressed (jk). Every time someone asks, it gets me thinking about what the real reason is. I'm not going to bore you with all the reasons I have found that it's not. I was bored trying to write about them, let alone read them. The reason I am here right now is because I figured it out. The reason no person should be married until there is a solution. The thing that every person should keep in mind as they choose their "soulmate". The pot of gold at the end of the hellish (sorry for the profanity) rainbow some people refer to as dating.

Are you ready for it?

The answer: Mark Zuckerberg is already married.

...........jk. But seriously. I was waiting for Mark to call for years only to find (on the cover of People magazine of all places) that he already chose some hot, brilliant, asian lady. Wah-wah such is life.

..........jk for reals this time. The real reason for the delay of marriage is that I haven't found the guy that treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Sounds so simple right? Sorry if you are disappointed in that answer. Let me explain..

Love is black and white. There is no grey. A person either loves you, or they don't. If there is any question, there will be someone else that loves you better.

In my experience, the boys I have dated have had some great qualities, some not so great qualities, some lessons to teach me and some challenges to present me with. They also all have one thing in common: they didn't work out. Have there been times when I wanted them to? Absolutely. Have there been times when I have prayed to keep them in my life? Absolutely? Have there been times I tried everything in my power and fought with all of my might to make it work? Absolutely. And yet, they didn't. Is that because there is no hope and prayers don't get answered and I am not meant to be happy? Absolutely not. It is because I deserve better.


I may have some pathetic, movie based, fictional, over the top, out of this world idea of what love is supposed to be, but I know it is because I deserve it. Everybody deserves it. Every single person has a right to feel that, 'can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series' kind of love. The kind of love Taylor Swift sings about. The kind of love the Notebook was made about. The kind of love Pride and Prejudice was written about. Call me crazy, call me girly, call me whatever you want. Say I'm looking for too much, say my standards are too high, say whatever you want. I know that I deserve it. I know every one does.

I know some people find it sooner than others. I know that there is a time for everything. I know that your time is different than my time. We all have lessons to learn, we all have experience to gain. We all have to be hurt so we know what it feels like to be cared about. We have to have it not work out sometimes so we can appreciate it when it does. Like a plant in a garden, we have to be pruned in order to meet our full potential. After the Lord feels we have been through enough, after we have grown and leared all we can, after we have suffered through the pain and hurt caused by ended relationships enough... then we will find it.

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. You realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift. You want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it, and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."

Everyone deserves that. I'll be honest for a second and say I have been treated terrible in relationships. I have been lied to, cheated on, mislead, used, abandoned. I've had guys walk away and then come back looking for second chances when they realize what they've lost (not being self-absorbed, just saying it happens). I fall easy, and I've been hurt. There is damage. I think we all sometimes feel that the damage can never been fixed. That we are too far gone. FALSE. It can be fixed. And that person walking out of your life is likely to be one of your greatest blessings because there will come a time when the right person, the one who will always treat you the way you deserve to be treated, will walk in to your life. That person will fight to stay. That person will respect you. That person will watch you from the across the room because they find you that fascinating. That person will protect you. That person will make time for you. That person will not doubt. That person will want nothing more than you.

Do not settle for less than that. Do not settle for less than you deserve. The pressures of society can make you feel like you need to rush, that you need to take what you can get. But I will stand and say no. No to anyone who thinks you should settle for less than you deserve. No to anyone who says you can make it work with anyone. No to anyone who doesn't believe in fairy tales endings. Real love is a fairy tale, and I know my happy ending will one day come true.

I want someone who will look at me like this on my wedding day.
I deserve it, and so do you.

That, my friends, is that answer to the, "why are you not married" question. Trust me... when I find it, you'll know.




6 comments:

Camille Hawkins said...

Gah. Why do people ask such stupid questions in the first place? Seriously, what answer are they expecting? "Oh, the ol' fiance died trying to save puppies." or "oh, i'm a lesbian.NBD."
I know I'm married, but i completely agree with you. Don't settle for someone who doesnt make you fall in love again every day. I never wanted to be married, and i got married young. go figure.
Your post is how i feel when people ask me when we don't have kids.. 1. don't ask awkward questions if you don't want awkward answers. because that is what you're going to get.
There is nothing wrong or weird with a hot 24 year old girl not being married. Don't ever let anyone ever make you feel that way either.

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

This hurts... its so true and its so hard to hear after a break up Im trying so hard to not let go of. :(

bradholt24 said...

First of all, ya I just read your blog after stalking your instagram..secondly, thank you

Angele Le Roux said...

This is absolutely beautiful - The words exactly describes the way i feel inside!!

Thank you for this!

Angele Le Roux said...

This is absolutely beautiful - The words exactly describes the way i feel inside!!

Thank you for this!

DeXeD.........xXx said...

I've been telling my girlfriend and I've been trying too explain to her in words how I feel about her... It's too difficult to explain
BUT
after I came across this post & I saw the photo of the guy looking at his wife-2-be & just broke down & start crying...

THAT IS JUST ABOUT EXACTLY how I feel about her all the time...