Wednesday

Why so serious?

I need to start writing about serious things. I make a lot of sarcastic comments and I joke a lot in my writing... I need to write about things that matter. Politics, religion, etc. These things, however, usually cause conflict (much like the justin bieber topic I recently brought up). So, I stole/borrowed this list from Rasha (find her blog And This is What She Said, she is a talented writer, pay the site a visit). It asks alot about me, which is a good way to avoid controversy, ha. So, although it won't be 30 days in a row, lets see if I can handle tackling 30 different topics.

Topic one. Discuss how single life is.

Which version, the one I claim or the truth? Being single is like... sticking needles in my eye. I hate needles, and I hate eyeballs. You can imagine what that says for single life.

Oh, wait, I said no sarcasm.. I might fail at this.

Single life is a wonderful time. I learn things about myself I never could have found had I been in a relationship. Likewise, people learn things in a relationship they could have never learned had they been single. The point I am getting at is that your relationship status should not define you. Whether you have found someone who makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time, or you are still in search of that someone, you should be happy in either state. Each status has its advantages, the important thing is to remember your blessings according to whichever situation you are in.

BUT... since the question was about how I am handling single life.. My love life has been pretty ridiculous the last few years. I was absolutely in love two years ago. I was ready to marry. But, as it always does, life happened. Since then, time after time I have been let down by what I thought were very solid relationships. I have not dated anyone seriously, but I have been hurt by people both intentionally and unintentionally. People who I thought were friends have broken my heart. People I thought would never hurt me let me down. People who I have trusted have deceived me.

I do my best to be understanding of circumstances, but it still hurts. Because of this, I feel very guarded. I feel damaged, and want to avoid any more of these painful feelings I have had in the past year or so. I choose to avoid the chance of being hurt again. I know this is no place to be, it is pretty weak really. Each day, however, I get a little bit stronger. Improvement, no matter how small or insignificant, is really all we can ask for right?

I have a very distinct idea of relationships in my mind, and it's no help. I have this fairytale type of love idea in my mind that I can't shake, and it- in turn- makes me very picky. I don't mean I am looking for the perfect guy who pulls out all the stops, but in a way I am. I think I deserve to find what I am looking for. I will not get married to the first guy who will have me because marriage is what is expected of people my age. I will just be patient.

Also, I have a very skewed idea of dating. Most people view dating as a way to get to know somebody. Others think of it as a free meal. I think of it as a waste of time if you know you would never marry the person. That is a fault that usually leaves me to be alone on Saturday nights. I try to be more open minded, I am working on it. You marry the people you date, though, so my idea can't be completely crazy. But I also know it is difficult to get to know somebody without spending time with them; without that, how would I know they were someone I would never marry? It's a vicious cycle. I wish I knew how to date for fun.

I also think I put off a ridiculous image that I am not interested in guys I am very interested in. I find it easy to flirt with guys I am not interested in because I am not worried about saying the wrong thing. Guys I am interested in, however, I find difficult. I struggle with giving them attention because I worry about messing it up (which in turn messes it up anyway because then they think I am in to the guys I am flirting with, it's another vicious cycle).

So, there you have it. A way too detailed and long insite in to my view of single life. The bottom line is that being single allows me to spend time with my family. I get to practice and attempt to perfect my talents. I get to travel to places I would have never seen otherwise. It's all about embracing the situation you have been given, and enjoying the journey. That is what defines happiness in a relationship status, even if that status is defined by what we lack (i.e. single).



3 comments:

Jacquie said...

I like this a lot. Thanks for sharing that! I am confident that the right guy will come around when he is supposed to. :) You are an insanely beautiful, strong, talented, and mature girl and the only reason you're single is because the right guy who can measure up to all that hasn't come around yet. But he will. Oh I know he will. And he will be a lucky man.

But in the meantime, date for fun. Just sayin'.. You'd be surprised how much you'll enjoy it and what you both can get out of it. :)

Adrianwnef said...

Part of the past is to learn. Hopefully, even though your experiences may have been painful, I hope you feel you’ve come out on top and that you’re better off having experienced them. It's very hard to grasp that since…it hurts so badly and is tough to revisit those instances.

There’s nothing wrong with a fairy tale idea of how your love life will/should be. Don’t let it become the sole basis of your life and you’ll be ok. When you love someone from getting to know them and allowing each other to express openly, the fairy tale actually does happen. It's hard to see it or allow it to happen with all the daily processes and demands we have to meet. It’s there, and you’ll have it, when you allow it.

It shouldn’t be called "dating". I’ve only really gone on a few dates, realistically. The best way (for me) to really know if you have anything with someone is to spend time with them by hanging out with them, group setting or not, and not thinking of things as a date. In those situations, most people are truly themselves, most with their guards down, and lack the expectations of what dates usually push for or instill. Dates, now (or maybe always), have been impersonal. Especially living in Utah/Provo area, dating is so common place that it has lost a lot of its meaning and value (same goes for actions, such as kissing). I avoid it as much as I can. Yes, like you, I spend my Saturday evenings alone, playing volleyball or video games, but at least I don’t feel I’m wasting my time just spending my money or humoring the idea that if I go out on a date with someone I already know isn’t interested in me (or myself in her), that something will magically happen.

If you are interested in a guy, stop worrying about what you’ll say or what opportunities you may lose by doing something you'll regret. If the guy finds you attractive, he will make it known, one way or another. In my experience, if I am nervous around a girl, I have to realize there's nothing to worry about. I focus on her, what she's saying, and what is happening right then. I listen, I respond, and I act accordingly to what the circumstances are. I don’t need to play myself up to be something for her to like me. Although some people have mastered or understood what they need to do to encourage (manipulate) feelings for from another person, I avoid playing any of that game. I’d rather have her know who I am straight up than to try and get her to know who I’m not, and have us both regret having played that game initially.

Don’t spend too much time by yourself. It’s great you spend time with your family. Take opportunities to be around your friends and with members of the opposite sex, even if there’s no interest. If you’re loving life (regardless of being single or in a relationship), that authentic smile will beam out to others, attract other happy individuals, and they will want to be around you.

You’re talented, you’re insightful, and your deep introspection shows you will and continue to make significant strides for your future. Whether or not that man of your dreams materializes this next time you go on a date or whenever in the future, you will be happy because your experiences and choices now are just a few pages in a unique story that you are (and will be) writing, that'll be shared and be a companion chronicle, alongside another person's tale.

Crandell Memories said...

misty mae... i see your friend adrian wrote about the same length as your post as a response... let me add this... you remember me in my junior senior year of high school right??? I was doing really good then one day i like tried to ruin my life? haha, yep look where i am now. when i moved to the valley i dated EVERY week, like sometimes 4 or 5 times with DIFFERENT guys. It was fun... you DO date who you marry but you also date who you dont marry. reaso being is because it give you a CLEAR understanding of what you dont want whether it be biog or small... for instance... i usually dated only LDS guys-naturally because i did not want to go down road bad anymore... there was a LOT of the lds guys who i dated who were only kinda good, or kinda bad... but i never would have known that had i just went on that first or second date with them. you find out a LOT of things just by talking to a guy ovber dinner. think about it as this... your date is his interview. have you ever been in an interview and the question is asked, where do you see yoursef with the company in 2 years? and the person answers a nurse when they are interviewing at wal mart? uhhhh... yeah. you get me on that one i am sure. ask those questions that you want to know, get the right feelings out there. if he is not ready to commit or does not want kids or other big obvious things like that, which yes they will usually coe out and tell you, then you finish your dinner or whatever it is you are fdoing, be polite and make your exit... that simple:) and its fun. dont get attatched, haha. I dated this one guy fro snowflake for 3 and a half weeks. he was so much fun... in fact we never even really kissed... he was set in life... career, money, goals everything!!! except a wife... he bought me a ring in less than a month!~ i was in the same situation as you. It was a fairy tale and it all sounded good but i just did not see him as my life partner. there was no love. I look back now and see how dating just for fun founbd me the perfect husband! do it girl! It makes single life go by so much faster!!!