Misty Mae

My whole life I've been the game, time to be the player.

2012-02-02T17:05:00.000-08:00

"Immaplaya immaplaya....

and if you hear me tell my homies anything goes"

Yeah. That's me. Playin' the game and workin' it all day erryday.

False. I don't play the love game. I despise love games. They are lies, and people's feelings get hurt. I mean, sometimes it is appropriate to play games. They say 'all is fair in love and war', I think games qualify. But it's only acceptable as long as it isn't while using people as a means to an end, rather than an end in themselves. Although, it is true that I have been the game many times in my life, and being the player is a pretty tempting prospect.. but that's a story for another time.

Being a playa, on the other hand, is a nice way of saying, "I like to use people." My response to the playas of the world is a quote from a movie who's name I'll leave out (to protect my pride)...

"Nobody's gonna buy the whole friggin ice cream truck if you're handing out the popsicles for free!"

Think about it, ladies and gents. Just think about it.

Anyway, I meant the life game. The game of life isn't just s Fisher-Price board bought by parents to entertain 90's kids such as myself. It's also a real and tangible thing. You get to choose whether you play by the rules or not, but it's a game nonetheless. Sometimes it's vicious and the competition is fierce. Sometimes you're winning and sometimes you lose big. Happens to the best of us.

In my training at work, we have been getting all sappy and emotional at times talking about the life game. My new trainer is totally brilliant in that he can tear at our heart strings without any of us ever catching on to his scheme. The other day, as he introduced himself, he wrote three expectations he had for us on the white board.

1. Own your job.

2. Stop whining, start winning.

3. Have fun.

Ok, so simple. Yet so profound. Own your job. So many of us get caught up in going through the motions of getting up every day and going to work so we can get a paycheck and pay the bills and have the freedom to do what we choose with the rest of our time. I was that way. I was hardly "owning" it as he so appropriately put it. We need to 'own' everything we do in life. Play the life game, own it. Work it. Do what you want with it. Make it yours and yours alone. Do what you want and the rest will fall in to place.

Stop whining, start winning. Question: have you ever complained about anything, ever (let's make that a rhetorical question since you can't really answer me...)? I am going to assume the answer is yes. Most the time when we complain, it is about something we can't change.

"Ah man, why does it have to be cloudy today?"

...cause the universe conspired against you and made it cloudy just to put you in a bad mood. Oh wait, november-oscar-tango (that's my forest service way of saying n-o-t as in nope, no it doesn't). No it didn't. Stop. People who complain about the things they can't change. Stop it now.

Have fun. Okayyyy it makes me sad that more people don't just include this in their 'to do' list every day. If you aren't having fun, then what is the purpose of your life? The scriptures tell us that, "men are that they might have joy." If you don't find some type of joy in the things you're doing, it's possibly time to reevaluate your strategy in your game of life.

Moving on... the life game. Be a player. Don't let the game play you like a little puppet on a string always reacting to situations around you. Be a player; you be the puppeteer and decide what moves will be made next. Be confident that the moves you make are (as the hipsters like to put it) FTW (for the win, for the late guy). There is nothing more attractive than confidence. Whatever you want to do, own it. Wear big sunglasses. Dye your hair brown. Wear skinny jeans. Take pictures in shiney gold leggings and post them all over facebook (clearly these are all examples of things people told me not to do that I did anyway). You just gotta do them with confidence and own it, people will be too scared to question it. If they do, they were never a friend of yours in the first place.

My last point in this game called life is losing. Losing at life. The times when you aren't 'winning' as Charley Sheen likes to put it (I know, Charley Sheen jokes are old news). Today at work we talked about the way people instantly turn a situation in to a problem. We are so quick to assume that anything outside the norm of our lives is problem rather than a possibility. That has to do with attitude. If our attitudes weren't so negative, we would look at situations as possibility for change, or improvement. I know you do this, I do it all the time. Focus on problems because of my bad attitude. I never think in terms possibility. If I had a better attitude, I could go from losing to winning in an instant. Once again, playing the life game. Using the things that happen to you to your advantage, rather than letting them use you. Use situations to your advantage; make them a possibility. Don't turn them in to problems. Make sense? Sometimes I ramble.

Just, in general, own what you do. Whatever it is that means something to you, own it. Work it. Take it, coddle it, love it, make it yours. Play it. Don't be played by it. Be the player, not the game.

Peace and love and chicken grease, and all that good stuff.

Don't let me get in my zone.

2012-01-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't love good music, that's a Watch the Throne reference. That song rocks my world.

Anywhooooooo... it's also relevant (surprisingly enough). That phrase, 'don't let me get in my zone'. I want to talk about being in the zone. YOUR zone, particularly. I prefer to refer to it as being 'in your element'. To me, your element is the place in this big world that's yours. It's a place where nobody can touch you. All that matters in that moment is you and this thing, whatever it is you may be doing. For some people it's playing an instrument, for some it's school, for some it's while they're playing a sport. It's MJ and Basketball, the other MJ and dancing, and the other other MJ giving people the munchies (wowww for that reference, I promise I have never been friends with THAT MJ). This thing comes naturally to you. It makes you feel at home.

I have several places where I am in my element.

-Give me paint, a canvas, some music blasting loudly next to me, some italian soda from world market. You can't touch me there. I'm in the zone; I'm in my element.

-Give me a good long run with my music in my ears and nothing on my mind. I'm at home.

-Give me my music in general. Nothing is on my level when I am in that zone.

-Give me the mountains. The cold air. Snow. Trees. Boarding. My element.
-Give me kids. Childrens. Place them all around me. The magical world of make believe. Happy kids, sad kids, nice kids, troubled kids. I got this. I GOT THIS. It's my element.

-Give me a road trip. A plane ride. A first time in a new place. Travelling. Anywhere. Here and there and everywhere. Everywhere. So far in my element I can't be moved.

-Give me water. Lake, beach, river, waterfall. THE elements are MY element.

-Give me something to design. My room, my cupcakes, my art projects, my pictures. Things that are mine, particularly to me, that I can create. Creativity as a whole. My zone.

-Give me a subject and a computer. I can write for days when I have something to say. When I have a subject, writing is so far in my element I can't separate my imagination from my reality.

-Give me people a power suit. Sky rises that make you feel important. Employee ID badges. At my new job, I feel good. I feel needed. I feel useful. I feel like I am contributing to society. My element. Mine.

You need yours. Figure out what it is and use it. Use it to make you happy, use it to make you untouchable. There is nothing in the world more fascinating to me than seeing someone in their element. Nothing is more attractive to me than watching someone in their element. Use it to make your life better. To escape when you need to get away. Use it, you won't regret it. You, right now. Get a paper and pen and write down where you are in your element.

I'm definitely in my zone.

Remember, cause that's all you can do.

2012-01-18T21:49:00.001-08:00

In the words of my adoring cousin and roommate, Keni, "It's cracking my up how you're so obsessed with that old a' song." I know it's old, but it's new to me. And I am a woman possessed. It's all I want to hear. I had to share. Let it change your life.

"Are you a real firefighter?"

2011-12-23T10:26:00.000-08:00

This morning I was awoken by a text from my mom. I always act like I am wide awake when she calls and texts me early in the morning like that. This morning I planned on responding and then passing back out, but what she texted me sent my mind racing. I couldn't go back to sleep with all the thoughts and memories bouncing around in my mind, so here I am; I am posting them here as my outlet. I should write it all down but I don't even have a journal. I'll just print it out at some point.

The text read, "Are you watching the Today Show (sure am not mom, I only ever watch it when I'm with you or when Justin Bieber is doing a Christmas special.. jk... bs)? They are doing a special on the Bastrop Fire, and doing things for the firefighters who lost their homes. I was sobbing."

THE BASTROP FIRE

I have been a firefighter for five years. That really isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of life. There are many people out there who serve for years and years and dedicate their lives to that work. I don't claim to be one of those, I don't even claim to know a ton about fire. Every single fire I fought I learned something new. I know there was so much more I could come to know. But, in five years, I did see A LOT. I saw different fire activity, different situations, I was afraid at times, confident at times, sometimes I knew exactly what we needed to do, sometimes I had no idea. This fire particularly left me feeling all of those things, yet it didn't compare to any other experience in the slightest. It was the most mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted I had ever been. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the most of those things I'll ever feel again.

I know that this job doesn't compare to many others in legitimacy. I know that rarely are lives lost; rarely do we see tragedies that are traumatizing. It happens, don't get me wrong, but it's not as common as police jobs and structure jobs. I know that as far as natural disasters go, there have been floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, and endless unthinkable tragedies that have left people homeless, familyless, and absolutely devastated. Compared to a war time situation, this isn't even on the scale of trauma. But it was my trauma. My fire. My experience. And therefore, it was all those things to me.

A couple of months ago I was in Texas to fight fire. There was severe drought; every firefighter that was available in the country was sent to Texas. We had been getting bored sitting around every day waiting for fires to start, so when we got the call to go to Bastrop we were ready for it. It makes me sick to think I was happy, excited even, that there was a fire. Something to do. An escape from monotony. How naive I was about how unhappy the experience would be. I was completely blind to the fact that people were losing their homes, some their lives. I had no idea, I just wanted to fight some fire.

We got the call at about 11 at night, we were told to be ready to head out at 0600 the next morning. We did so, and were in Austin at about 1400 that day (it was a long road trip with few bathroom breaks which is no bueno for me). Bastrop is just south of there. As we are driving in the general direction, I see not only one, but two columns of smoke. Then a third. Fire everywhere. The worst part was that I didn't see forest anywhere. I saw fire and city. It was bizarre. Most fires are fought in the middle of nowhere with little town in between. I didn't understand why.

This is what I saw.

Once we were given directions, checked in at ICP (incident command post), and headed to the main fire camp (located at an army camp) it was about 1530. We were told we would be working night shift and that it started at 1800. My thoughts were, "great, we have three hours to drive to camp, sleep, get up, eat dinner, and drive back to ICP before 1800." We all knew we weren't getting any sleep before that night shift started. We were right, none of us slept a wink. We ate some sandwiches about 1700 (camp wasn't fully set up yet so the food choices were limited). We got fuel and a Monster (no judgement there, we were headed in to an all night shift after having already worked 12 hours, thanks), and headed back to ICP for instructions. That was when it started to hit me just how insane this night was going to be.

The bosses headed in to a briefing and left us little seasonals outside to wait. As I sat there waiting (and feeling incredibly helpless as I watched the column growing bigger and bigger with every passing minute), countless people came up to me asking questions. People were telling me stories, "I was out on my boat fishing and saw the column, I didn't make it back to my house in time to get anything, all I have are the clothes on my back." And, "Have you seen my friends? They look like (fill in with very not descriptive description of what could be just about anybody).. they don't have a vehicle, I hope they got out in time." And the worst, "I was walking home, the police turned me around, I didn't have time to get anything, I have no insurance. Everything I have in life is in my house that just burned to the ground."

I was in tears before we ever even left to start work.

I was with a bunch of dudes who are unfeeling robots in times like these (that is not a hit at the guys, I wish I were that way, that is why it's always an interesting dynamic to throw females in to typical male jobs, but that's a story for another time) so I tried to hide my emotion. Our instructions were clear as mud, none of us had any idea what exactly we were headed in to do. We didn't care, we just wanted away from the public, and to feel like we were actually contributing. Structure protection, that was all they told us. We headed in to a subdivision that was sketchy already because there was only one way in. Our task force leader basically sent us to divide and conquer. Go find houses about to burn and save them, basically. Leave the ones already burning. I mean, we are not structure firefighters, we have no training or experience, not even enough water on our trucks, to save a home already burning. So prep work, got it. Let's do some work boys.

We take off down a random street and see some fire behind a home. The adrenaline was pumping at this time and we were fired up (pun so intended). We jumped out and ran to the house. We started with the hoses and line digging. We put in fire line all around the home and sprayed out the flames on the fire's edge. We threw all the lawn furniture away from the house, cut down hazardous trees, sprayed the two feet thick pine needles on the roof. We did all we knew how to do, then headed down the street to the next one. Saved it. Feeling great at this point. As we pull up to the next house, the fence is on fire. People jump out without putting on all their gear (packs, hard hats, gloves, etc) and just spray down the fence. Got it. Saved that one. We added more fire line and did similar things as the first houses. We did this several times, several houses.

We completed several homes in several areas on that road. "We are doing a great thing here," I thought. Then we got a call on the radio. "Come over to such and such road and help so and so engine." We pack up and head over there. As we drive, I see the situation on the other side of the road is completely different. We are driving to the location of the other engines and there is fire everywhere. EVERYWHERE. It is not a line of fire progressing in a particular direction. It is everywhere. I can't tell where the column is, which direction the fire is moving, which way is up basically. That is when it all turned in to a blur of confusion, fear. I can remember it all, every detail, and yet the chain of events all runs together in to one big feeling of being traumatized.

It was like a movie. It was like I was standing outside myself watching everything happen. The homes were burning. They looked like scary cartoon characters with faces, laughing at how defenseless we were against them. It almost felt like they were mocking our helplessness. We would work so hard spraying down a home, putting in a fire line, and suddenly the roof is on fire and the house is burning down from the inside. So we head to the neighbors to try to stop that one, but something explodes in the first one sending flames and embers everywhere. Now both are burning, and we are watching. Every move we made was one step behind. We would give it our all, only to be left watching the flames envelope our efforts seconds later.

At one point I was spraying the flames out in a random back yard and a police officer comes to ask me a question.

"What about that house over there?"

"Huh?"
"That house up the road, what about it?"

"I'm sorry, sir, I have no idea. I'm just spraying."

He heads up the hill where a fellow firefighter, Aaron, was standing. He asks Aaron what I assume was the same question he asked me. They both point the general direction and then take off toward it. They come back a few minutes later, looking distraught. All the while I am spraying and spraying and my face is melting off from the heat, I am completely oblivious to what is happening. He walks past me and gets back in his cop car. Aaron stands by me, silent for a minute. He then goes on to tell me that it was the officer's house. He had been asking me about his own house. He was asking if we had gotten there in time. I was so one-track minded, I hadn't had put it together. We didn't make it in time, his house was in flames when they had seen it. The officer watched his own house burn to the ground. He hadn't had a chance to go inside and take anything out because, since the start of the fire, he was helping other people escape. I stood, dumbfounded. Embarrassed at my ignorance.

I know there could have been worse situations. There could have been lives lost, families lost. But in that moment, watching that officer drive away, I thought of his family pictures. I thought maybe he has a son, a daughter, both. Maybe their baby pictures are in a pretty photo album sitting on a shelf inside that house, catching fire as I stood there. Maybe there were family heirlooms, books, birth certificates, college degrees, fingerpaintings, kindergarten art projects, a daddy daughter photo taken from a fishing trip. He'll never get those things back. Most things can be replaced, true, but not everything. The life he built was just destroyed while he watched. While I watched.

It was Labor Day weekend so everyone was out of town. Nobody got the chance to go in and grab their valuables. They had no warning. A total of 1,386 home were lost during the duration of that fire. 1,386 families lost everything.

The night pressed on. We continued on in our haste to save and yet too many times we failed. I was getting discouraged. It felt like a war zone. There was fire everywhere. There were explosions. Loud loud explosions. It hurt my ears. Fire explosions. Fire was running in all directions. At one point they pulled us out of the subdivision because the head of the fire was running at us (wherever the head was, it was all just fire to me) and there was no escape. We pulled out, watched the 200 foot flame front pass while we sprayed out the spot fires it started, then headed back in. It was then that I realized it was about 3 am. I had a headache. My hands had burns on them from forgetting my gloves in my haste. My hair was singed. I was hungry. I was exhausted. But we kept moving. We worked on and on. As the time passed people became aggravated. We were getting on each other's nerves. Yet, we still had each other's backs. The boys, bless their hearts, were so good. So good to me, so good to each other. I really grew to love them that night. Watching as they worked relentlessly, never quitting no matter how discouraging it was. Making sure I was okay constantly. Helping each other, lessening each other's burdens.

We waited for our relief to come. The next shift was supposed to take over at 0600, ending our 24 hour shift. 0600 came and went, and still no relief. The sun came up. We still worked. We kept digging, kept cutting, kept initiating burn out operations and putting out fire. At 10 am I made a stupid comment, "goodness I'm hungry, I can't believe they expect us to work this way without having eaten since last night (going that hard all night with no food for fuel and energy was getting to me)." Aaron simply said, "get over it, Misty, eat an MRE if you have to." Ouch. It was then I realized what a selfish brat I was being. He just wanted to work until he fell over dead trying to save these people's homes, all I could think about was feeding myself. Talk about moment of sad self realization.

In that instant I did this thing I often do where I take a moment to step back and look at the situation I am in from the outside. Sometimes when I do this I wonder how in the heck I got to where I am. This time, I realized it was going on 28 hours of work. Not just 'being on call' kind of work, but hard and exhausting work. We hadn't eaten in 17 hours. We had probably saved 10 out of 350 houses we attempted to save. We were wildland firefighters trying to be structure people. We had no idea what we were doing. We hadn't slept in well over 30 hours.

I also realized there was no where in the world I would rather be.

I have always had this passion and desire within me to help. Every time I see or hear of a tragedy, all I want to do is use what I have been blessed with to help. I have a healthy body, a strong mind, able hands. So many people don't even have so much as those three things. I want to use them for the betterment of people. For the helping of the sick, the afflicted, those affected by tragedy. And there I was, doing just that. I had this overwhelming desire to write to the US Department of Agriculture and ask them not to pay me for the work I was doing. I wanted to just serve and serve until I couldn't stand. I felt so empowered, so re-energized. I was ready for another 30 hours if they would have let me. With this new found desire I pushed myself to the limit. I continued to work but with stronger vigor. My heart was bigger and therefore so was my will. We saved a house. Then two, then three. We saved a total of five in that neighborhood that morning after we were supposed to have been long gone. Staying and saving those homes made all the losses from the night before feel more than worth the effort we had put in, to no avail. I was on top of the world. Relief finally came at about 11:30 that morning. We headed out, back to ICP. They sent us in to Austin to sleep for the day, telling us to be back at 1800 that night. So we did. By the time we went to sleep in Austin it was about 1330. 31 and a half hours. I was too tired to eat, almost too tired to sleep. Stupid tired. The kind where everything is funny and you do things like look for your cell phone while you're talking on it. I passed out, woke up and headed back a few short hours later. Another Monster. Finally some food.

A little girl came up to me, she was about 10 years old.
"Mam, I baked some cupcakes for ya'll at the church, would you like one?"
"No thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate it though."
"Mam, please. This is all I can do to help. Please make me feel better and take my cupcake."
I stare like an idiot in disbelief and take a cupcake.
"Thank you so much for your service, mam."

This little girl just lost everything she has in life. Material things, yes, but at that age material things are some of the most important things. And yet there she was, thanking ME, thanking me for my service, baking me cupcakes. Thinking only of others, never of herself. Oh how I wish I could go back in time (and slap myself for being so ignorant) and thank that little girl for her perfect example of love and charity. Thank her for being such an example of kindness. Thank her for changing my life with her cupcakes of thanks. All I wanted to do was bake every flipping baked good I could ever imagine and give them away to all these humble people.

Everywhere we went it was, "thank you for your service... thank you for what you are doing... let me buy your lunch... let me buy you a Coke to say thanks... you guys are our heroes."

No, Bastrop Texas, you guys are MY heroes.

The next few night shifts were filled with us travelling from burned down house to burned down house putting out any sign of heat and fire we ran in to. That is when the situation hit me like a brick in the stomach. I saw the damage. It was a ghost town of debris and rubble. Only fire places standing with everything in ashes around it. There would be little signs of these people's livelihoods. Pictures frames with the pictures burned out of them, statues, silverware, china. Proof that these people had lives they built for themselves that now lay in ash all over the unforgiving mother earth. The guys that were there with me that night went back to AZ, I was extending and staying for 30 days so another crew came in. The new guys only saw what was left. They were in absolute disbelief of the damage. I tried and failed to describe to them the horror from that night. What it was like to watch the destruction happen while trying and failing to stop it. What it felt like to watch the cop drive away. How I felt talking to the man with no insurance. My words could never do justice to what really happened that night. The pain and sadness hung like a tangible thing in the air. It was so powerful to see the aftermath. It was then I realized how traumatizing the whole thing was. How affected I really was.

I know there are so many worse situations to be in. I know that war doesn't compare. That natural disasters with thousands of lives lost doesn't compare. But this is all I have to compare them to, and it was intense to say the very least. I have never seen anything like it and doubt I will again. My heart goes out to those who lost everything. My hat is tipped to those countless volunteer firefighters who go to work from 9 to 5 at a desk job, and then volunteer doing what I get paid to do just out of the goodness of their hearts. Bless the hearts and lives of those men and women who worked countless hours to do what little they could. Bless the hearts of everyone who works every day in situations like these. The soldiers, firefighters, police, any one in a service position. I thank you for all you do. This one experience changed me forever, and they deal with it all the time.

I am a different person after having been in Bastrop, Texas. I feel blessed to have had the experience. Few people have the chance to see what I saw. I feel humbled and thankful to my Father in Heaven for all that I have, for keeping us safe, for giving me the opportunity to be there and help. It was, above all, a testament of the power and mercy of my Heavenly Father. I know there is a plan. I know He loves us and protects us. I know He was there with me that night and that it was through Him alone that I had the strength to continue on. Countless prayers of family members, community members, and we firefighters are what gave us the ability to do what we did. The experience is one I hold dear to my heart, and one I will never forget.

I'm an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love.

2011-12-22T13:37:00.000-08:00

"Secret love, my escape.

Take me far far away.

Secret love, are you there?

Will you answer my prayer?

Please take me anywhere but here."

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life. Those little girls are the loves of my life. My escape. They are the answers to my prayers. They take me away from the worries of life and bring joy and happiness to everything they touch.

At one point Jaycee (the beautiful blondie) gave me a big hug and said, "Misty! I am so glad that you came skiing wif us today, I just love you sooooo much!"

Are you kidding me? My heart melted then and there. Not sure I could possibly love any thing or person more than I love those two little angels.

Whenever I need to be anywhere but here, I find refuge in those girls. You know what they say... "Thank heaven for little girls." You bet your boots that I do. Every day I thank my Father in Heaven for placing them in my life. They are, without and beyond a shadow of a doubt, two of my greatest blessings.

No Heroes Allowed.

2011-12-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

"When you're alone, do you think of me?

And my diamond ring thrown out to sea.

Oh well, oh well.

I still hope for the best.

Say goodbye, and send me off with a kiss farewell.

And I promise I'll be just as strong as I can be...

Sit still and listen to the soundtrack, our soundtrack.

I'll tell you how I took one straight through the heart, and it's not easy to talk about.

And I'll be what you need, you can call me anything.

Just as long as we're still friends,

and I've been talking to God asking for just a little help with you.

I'ts not the first time, but this one really carved it in.

Tell your new friends that no one knows you like I do."

-Mayday (freaking) Parade (the best thing to happen to my musical life)

My 'moving on' song. The anthem of "I have no more bitter feelings about this relationship". It finally happened. I know that if you know me well, you are probably sick of hearing about this relationship. It's been over a while, longer than a while really. But there was never any closure for me before the new woman and wedding bells. It's taken time to move past everything. I always think I am doing great and then that song comes on or I walk past some guy playing a piano and it hits me like a punch in the heart. They say it will all be ok in time. I wasn't sure if that was true.

Turns out it is.

The other night we watched a movie, one that was a memory from the relationship. As we watched, I told stories of Christmas parties and mustaches when the relationship was in it's prime. I smiled at the thought and laughed at the stories. They were, for the first time since the end, happy memories. No bitter remarks, no hurt feelings. Only smiles remembering the good times we spent together. We were a freaking cool couple if I do say so myself.

I am happy about all the times we spent, the memories we made, the times we shared, and all I learned. I am glad it's over, we weren't meant to be. And that's ok. I finally see that now. I know it's a little delayed, but come on, it's not like you can get over something like that in a day or two.

It feels good to be able to "look to the past and remember, and smile" (in the words of Blink 182).

Now the most important man in my life is the boy in the picture up there. My brother. Time to focus on him. He is a senior, graduating, then being whisked away to serve the Lord for two years and out of my immediate life the way he has been in the past. This little boy is honest to heaven my best friend. We have had some times, he and I. He, above anyone else, has truly had my back in all things. He keeps me in line and is always the example I am too weak to be sometimes. I could not imagine life without this guy, and now he's all growed up.

Sometimes it's not about a lover, sometimes it's just about moving on and finding joy in the journey. Sometimes it's about appreciating the blessed time you have to focus on the best man in your life who isn't a lover at all.

Hoover Dam, we're still in New York.

2011-12-19T12:11:00.000-08:00

So many people have been hating on SNL lately. Just because Chris Farley is gone does not mean it's lost, people. Saturday's episode with the return of Jimmy Fallon was one of the funniest ones I've ever seen, without exaggeration. I am a pretty dedicated SNL watcher, I feel like I can legitimately make that claim. I'll admit when it's bad (Katy Perry hosting = terrible). This week's skits killed me. Tina, Amy, and Jimmy back to join Seth in the joke off during the Weekend Update. Are you kidding me? And Jimmy playing the Mar Horse with a puppet rider? I was dying. Seriously if you have given up on SNL watch that episode. It totally redeemed any lack of hilarity it's had in the last few months. Plus, Kristin Wig is hysterical in any and every skit she is in. Andy Samberg is instantly classic in everything. Seth Myers is a doll. Please just give. it. a. chance.

While talking about tv and making myself sound like a lifeless lazy bum who just sits home and watches tv all day... Parks and Recreation. Seriously. Best.Show.Ever. Every line is delivered perfectly and sarcastically and it kills me. The dynamics are just so intriguing. Every character. So flipping funny. Watch it!

In other news. I get obsessed with things pretty easily. Right now I am obsessed with finding a keyboard (the piano kind). I neeeeeeeed to play piano. I am also obsessed with finding a record player. The classic kind, that plays vinyl albums. They are beautiful. I need one like I need to breathe. Then I will become irrevocably obsessed with finding every album I ever loved in vinyl and just sit in my room and listen to music for the rest of my life. A girl can dream, right?

Did I ever mention that Sunrise was to die for this week? Talk about perfection. The snow, the mountains, the small lift lines... couldn't have asked for a better day.

So last night, my cousin and I celebrated Classic Movie Sunday by watching Christmas Vacation, eating pizzookie, and cuddling. We're romantic. I bring this up because Classic Movie Sunday is slowing becoming my favorite tradition. Seriously, everyone should give it a chance. We used to only do it on fast Sundays, but lately it's been every week (Breakfast at Tiffany's, then Footloose, now Christmas Vacation). It's such a fun tradition. I love traditions. Bowling night, Sam's Club Saturday, Cereal Night... so many traditions we've invented over time. If you have any traditions you love, let me know. I love them; I welcome any new ideas.

Also, I just found this picture of Jaycee and I, and had to share it. This girl kills me. She is so fun. I kinda want her in my life every day for the rest of forever.

I swear I had a point to this when I started writing.............

"If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse."

That's what it was.
How true is that? I was thinking about all of the things I have wanted to do in my life.. study abroad, work at the forest service, work at Disneyworld, go to NY, win the trip to Washington DC, graduate from college, run a Ragnar relay and take first place... all of these things were things I wanted to do. All of them seemed impossible at times. I thought I didn't have the funds, the drive, the experience, the charisma (what a fun word), the speed or ability to run long distance, etc etc etc. But through all of it I found a way. I found jobs that supplied me with the money I needed, I found the dedication within myself to learn and study in school, I found the time to train and run my brains out (and my buns off, quite literally). I wanted to do them, so I did.

There have been other things in my life that I did not want to do, and have as a result found pointless reasons to not do them. Excuses.

I bring this up because I was wondering about the things I want to do in my future. The things I really want to do, and the things I'll find an excuse for. There are some things I know I would go to the ends of the earth to find a way for. Being married in the temple, running a marathon, being a mother, going to the Olympics (that one is less of a need, but seriously I haveeeee to go). These are all things I will, no matter what, find a way for. The key is making sure they are worth while things. The things you'll find a way for. If you have things you are making excuses for, reevaluate yourself. Take a step back. Are you trying to force yourself into doing things you don't really care about? People should be passionate about the things in their life. If you are constantly making excuses, there is no room for passion, joy, love, happiness. Find the things you would go to the end of the earth for, and cling to those things. Start working toward them today. Take a minute and think about what you can do today, this week, this month, to get what you want out of life. Then move forward in that direction. Quit making excuses.

In the words of the penguins of Madagascar, "Don't give me excuses, give me results!"

Think about it. And as always, thanks for listening. Love, peace, chicken grease, all that good stuff.
Over and out.

Who gon stop me?

2011-12-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath."

-James 1:19

I think, in general, that most people are, "swift to ignore (while adding perfectly placed, "hmm's" and "yeah's" to make it seem like we're paying attention), quick to speak (about only the things pertinent to ourselves), and instant to wrath (easy to irritate and easier to annoy)." I know that I especially need to work on taking the advice of James, the spiritual giant. I need to give people the attention they deserve. I must quit interrupting while they speak. I need to value what they have to say the way I would hope they would value my opinions. I need to think before I speak. Use eloquence in my words (starting with adding the word eloquent to my vocab). I need to not get irritated so easily, or even at all. Love. Happiness. Let's have some more of that this week :]

Ps. If you don't watch SNL... first of all shame on you. Second, watch this. I know it's a little sacrilegious, but honestly it killed me.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH, I WAS TOO LAZY TO EMBED IT

Happy endings are stories that haven't ended yet.

2011-12-17T17:55:00.000-08:00

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy. Maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

Can I get an "AMEN"?

He's Just Not That Into You is the anthem of my life. Everything I know about relationships I learned from that movie.

..so why is still so hard to face the reality of a guy you love (extremely exaggerated, mostly I mean 'have very strong interest in' when I say love) not loving you back? It's a mad mad world. It's also a small world, but that's a song for another time.

That kid in the photo is the real love of my life (totes jk, Taralee). La la love me some kisses from kids.

Life's a song.

2011-12-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

"You say life is a dream where we can't say what we mean,
or maybe just some roadside scene that we're driving past.
There's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week,
and there's no promises of peace or of happiness.
Well is this why you cling to every little thing?
And polverize and derrange all your senses?
Maybe life is a song but you're scared to sing along
until the very ending..
You're chained to your history, you're surely sinking fast
You say that you know that the good Lord's in control
He's gonna bless and keep your tired and oh so restless soul.
But at the end of the day when every price has been paid
you're gonna rise and sit beside Him on some old seat of gold.
And won't you tell me why you live like you're afraid to die?
You'll die like you're afraid to go.
Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to know
Ideas that strengthen who we've been
It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds
From chains and shackles that they're in
Well life is a dream 'cause we're all walking in our sleep
You could see us stand in lines like we're dead upon our feet
And we build our house of cards and then we wait for it to fall
Always forget how strange it is just to be alive at all."

-Patrick Park

I rarely post all the lyrics from songs, but this song is just so powerful in its entirety. To me it means that in general we all live in the regret of our past, and it in turn makes us fearful of our future. We cling to the memories that hurt us, or scarred us in some way. It holds us back and turns us in to unfeeling robots too afraid to make a mistake.

He is saying if we live like we're afraid to die then some day we will face the Lord wondering if we really lived up to what He expected of us. We need to remember how 'strange it is just to be alive at all'; we are here for a reason. It's not happen chance. We need to take advantage of every day, every minute that we have to live because there is no telling where we will be in a day, or a week. We need to cling to the minutes we spend doing what we love. We need to soak up the beauty of going with our families to watch our little brothers wrestle. We need to smile all the day long that we spend skiing with our moms and sisters. We need to laugh at our dads throwing a fit about laundry in the hallway. We need to learn from mistakes and pick ourselves up and keep going. Dwelling on the bad, the mistakes, the upsets, the imperfections of our lives only wastes the little and beautiful time we have here.

I saw a quote today that said, "jealousy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of your own." That fits my point, in a way. We can't spend our time wishing our life was something else. Doing so only makes us ungrateful for the things we have. Count your own blessings. Realize how lovely life is, and can be, if you make it that way.

Ps. You, laugh at this hilarious text convo I shared with my bff Roberto (don't call my name, Roberto).

Call me hopeless, but not romantic.

2011-12-13T10:36:00.000-08:00

"I want to live where soul meets body,

and let the sun wrap its arms around me,

and bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing,

and feel what it's like to be new.

So, brown eyes, I hold you near

cause you're the only song I want to hear,

a melody softly soaring through the atmosphere."

-Death Cab

This song makes me feel free and alive. So does this picture. Two reasons to make today great and unforgettable.

That shhhh krayy.

2011-12-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

"Photo shoot fresh, lookin' like wealth.

I'm about to call the paparazzi on myself."

New boarding duds. Let's rideeeeee. Let the shredding commence. Weather forecast calls for a major dumping all week, fresh powpow get at me.

Ps. That's an extreme exaggeration of how I really talk, I'm not yet on that bro-status level.
P.p.s. The delicious guy at Ski Pro said Sunrise is bomb right now. Who has two thumbs and is headed up there tomorrow or Wednesday? You guessed it. This.girl. It's going to be legend...(wait for it)..

P.p.p.s. Ignore the crappy-typical-in-the-mirror-with-the-cell-phone picture, it just was the one that showed my sick hat so I included it.

The Ponytail Parades

2011-12-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

"I will wait for you forever

if you would just ask me.

I thought that I could change you,

but you've changed me.

It doesn't feel right, holding someone else's hand.

It scares me to think that you could find takers other than me,

and better than me.

But your head is elsewhere, and I'm talking enough for both us.

When will you see? It's not so easy for me.

I never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?

Don't say that we can still be friends..

How can you take all these days and throw them away?

If you're still pretending this is what's right, why can't you look at me?

Can you only see one side? Your side?

I stay up nights until stars leave the sky, knowing what my dreams can take away."
-Emery

Sometimes my whiney music speaks to me. When I say sometimes I mean always. But really? Those lyrics are incredible. I was watching an old episode of the OC last night (seriously stop judging me right now, it was a high school phase) and they were making fun of Seth Cohen for listening to whiney emo music. He took it proudly. Like a boss. That, my friends, it why that fictional character would be the man of my dreams if he were- you know- real (what is it with girls and fictional characters? they give us unrealistic expectations of men the same as photoshop & supermodels give men unrealistic expectations of women, it's dumb).

Thank you, though, to the men in these bands that pour their heart and soul into their music. If I had one wish it would be that people everywhere could realize the wonder of real music. If I had two wishes the second would be world peace.

Always the rule, never the exception.

2011-12-11T17:10:00.000-08:00

(sorry about the curse word, the quote was just so appropriate. also, I just googled those pictures, so I have no idea what those bleeding 'true love' birds are all about. but you get the point)

"Literate and stylish

kissable and quiet.

That's what girl's dreams are made of.

That's all you need to know,

you have it or you don't."

Truer words were never spoken. GET AT ME incredible TBS lyrics. If boys just kept that in mind, then life would be a piece of cake. Actually, I don't even like cake. So maybe it wouldn't be that great after all.

I hang out with a lot of guys. All of my closest friends are guys. They make life easier (and somehow more complicated at the same time). Most of the time I just prefer being around them. I have been talking to a lot of my guy friends lately about relationships, dating, and their perspectives vs. girls' perspectives. I have learned a lot about dating in general from these conversations. I think the most important thing I learned is how different I am from the people down here. These people have so many stinking options that they never commit to anything. They have a serious case of, "the greener grass" syndrome. They like to keep their options open. They talk to multiple people. If they like someone, they keep them on the back burner while getting to know other people at the same time in case they find someone they like more. Then they feel like don't owe the other person anything because they aren't technically in a relationship. It's all just a big game.

I, on the other hand, prefer not to be talking to 80 different people at the same time. I like to focus on getting to know the one. Find out everything about them. Learn why they are the way they are. What makes them happy and sad. What happened in their past that brought them to where they are in the present. I have a serious case of "small-town" syndrome. I don't like to juggle all kinds of complicated relationships. And I fall so easily. Too easily.

Because I have a different perspective on dating, I usually find myself being the rule and not the exception.
The rule. The dating rules.

-If a guys wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen.

-Once the chase is over, people get bored.

-Once you're in the friend zone, you don't move out of it.

-If a guy calls you he wants to see you. It's not because his phone died, you have no service, or that your phone is randomly ignoring any contact from his number particularly that you haven't heard from him.

-If your personality rocks but you aren't gorgeous, a guy will pick the pretty & boring girl over you. He needs something pretty on his arm. Who cares if he has to listen to her drone on and on about the latest episode of Teen Mom for two hours, she's hot.

There are so many rules like this that I see over and over and over (and over and over and over) (and over) (I'm just gonna keep going with the parentheses for as long a possible) (just kidding) (but seriously) again. I am always the rule. Once I'm the exception I guess I'll know. I'll know I have finally found the guy worth sticking with. The guy who loves me for exactly who I am. The guy who thinks my stuttering when I talk to him because his smile makes me breathless is adorable, not distracting. The guy who thinks my shaking when he kisses me because I can't breathe is precious and not obnoxious. The guy who tells me I'm pretty out of nowhere because he just can't keep it in. The guy who knows I sometimes cry listening to sad emo music, and doesn't tease me for it. The guy who asks me what I am doing, and listens to the answer. The guy who listens to my pointless stories with genuine interest, and sometimes even has a constructive opinion to give me in return. The guy who thinks it's cute, not weird, when I obsess over things like watching Elf every day until Christmas or Asian people doing my nails. The guy who knows I will always wreck an adorable romantic moment because I don't feel like I deserve my life to be that perfect, and makes the moment adorable anyway. The guy who knows all I want to do is help him and make him happy, and let's me be that way just because it's who I am. The guy who sees himself with the potential that I see in him, and tries to live up to it. The guy who loves me above all else. Has my back in all things. Never judges. Always supports. Cares. Is willing to let me care in return.

This guy will be my exception. The dating rules won't exist to us. How I can't wait for that day because in all honesty, I hate dating. I love the butterflies. I hate the games.

Got me on my toes.

2011-12-09T14:15:00.000-08:00

"Oh, you captured my attention,

I'm carefully listening, don't wanna miss a thing

I'm keeping my eyes on you.

Oh, you captured my attention,

I'm anticipating, I'm watching and waiting

for you to make your move.

Got me on my toes."

-LIGHTS

Who doesn't love that moment when a song says exactly what you're feeling? Today is a beautiful day. I am headed home to enjoy my uncle's 50th birthday party. It's a princess party, my nieces planned it. How precious is my family? My uncle is like a father to me. My fam is just tight like that. So excited I can hardly stand it.

La vita e bella.

50 things to smile about.

2011-12-08T12:55:00.000-08:00

Before I get to the point of what I want to talk about here, I'm going to throw it out there that Keni (the roomie/cousin/baller) and I are on day 8 of 25 Days of Elf. Still going strong. We are picking up on things I never even paid attention to before. I think I am going to come up with a quiz that people can only pass if they watch the movie 25 days in a row.

Example:

What is the step-mom's name?

What is Buddy sitting on in the corner of Walter's office?

What song is playing in the background when Buddy asks Jovie out for the first time?

Who asks Buddy where he has been for the last 30 years?

...etc.

It's getting ridiculous. I can tell you that the little girl sitting at the Dr.'s office is named Carolyn. Buddy tuned the piano. Walter has a copy of The Sea King on display by his desk. I even have a new favorite part of the movie that I never noticed until now.. When Walter bails Buddy out of jail and they are walking out the door- Buddy tries to hold Walter's hand- and Walter slaps it away. Cracks me up every time.

That's a shhhhton of Elf watching.

Anywho. The thought behind this post was inspired by a shirt I saw at Forever 21 the other day. The top of the shirt read, "50 things to smile about". Literally a shirt with 50 things listed on it. They all made me smile, and I didn't even write the list. Magical. Not the Harry Potter kind of magic where it forces you to be happy because some out of your control force takes over your emotions, but the Disney kind where happiness just comes from thinking of how lovely all those things really are (that was not a hit at HP, I love HP. Just trying to describe what I mean). I wanted to make a list (I l-o-v-e making lists) of 50 things I smile about. Where better to do it than here.

Before I start the list (I do this in case you get bored with the list and want to bail out on reading this and decide to hit the magic red X in the top right, then I will have gotten my point across.. muahaha) I want to make a point that every one should have a list of reasons to smile. Whether you take the time to write them down, put them on a blog, print them on a shirt, or just think of them from time to time- a list of this nature could just change your whole life.

How many times do we sit around and just feel sorry for ourselves? No matter how lovely of a person you are, we are human. Every one has those times when they feel like there is nothing good around them. Every one feels like their life is miserable at some point or another. During these times we need a slap in the face of reality to bring us back down to earth.

Back in the day (like when dinosaurs roamed the earth) there was a woman in my life who used to always sing us a song that has the same concept as this 'smile list'. When you're a kid (and sometimes where you're an adult) you feel like every little thing that happens is the end of the world. We would be all "I just got in trouble for hitting my sister, my life stinks, woe is me...."ing, and this woman would sing this song. It always made us feel better. The lyrics were as follows:

"I love little baby ducks,

old pickup trucks

slow moving trains

and rain

and I love you too.

I love coffee in a cup

little fuzzy pups,

bourbon in a glass,

and grass

And I love you too.

I love winners when they cry,

losers when they try,

music when it's good

and life

and I love you too."

I thought she made it up because it was a pretty random list of things to love, but as it turns out it is a song by Tom T. Hall called "I Love". It, in a way, is a list of things to smile about. The same concept can be held in the song from the Sound of Music, "raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things.."

The lyrics in this song are brilliant (pronounced BEE-RILL-LEE-ANT). Seriously, bro. Hold on to your hats for this concept....

WHEN THE DOG BITES, WHEN THE BEE STINGS

WHEN I'M FEELING SAD

I SIMPLY REMEMBER MY FAVORITE THINGS

....AND THEN I DON'T FEEL SO BAD.

Pshh.. the power of the lovely Julie Andrews to throw some perspective in my face. It's a pretty easy concept, really. I'll put it in an equation for you math nerds (like myself):

feeling sad + remember favorite things = don't feel so bad

sad + smile list = not sad

Right?

I think so.

The best part of it all is when she says, "I SIMPLY remember". Like, duh. Simply. Just do it. Am I making a point? Probably not. I just want to make it obvious that there is always a little something, no matter how small, to brighten up a day. If you keep that list somewhere close then you can refer to it whenever you are feeling down; you'll be back on top in no time. And let's face it, who doesn't want to be on top (TWSS)? We're at the top of the world, you and I...

Man do I tend to ramble. Ok, here goes nothing, 50 things to smile about:

1. Snow

2. Hoodies

3. The word 'babydoll' (not the toy, but the cutsie/corny nickname for a lover)

4. Campfires

5. Ice Cream

6. Pictures of my friends

7. Summer BBQ's

8. Air kisses

9. High fives

10. Holding hands

11. Disney movies

12. Laughing until it hurts

13. Roller coasters

14. Sleeping in

15. Homemade cookies

16. That moment on a long run when it actually feels good (runners high- GET AT ME)

17. The phrase 'like a boss'

18. Getting something for free

19. MUSIC

20. FAMILY

21. Leaves turning in the fall

22. The monsoons

23. Stories about historical events told my grandparents

24. Dancing in your skivvies (we all do it)

25. A text that says, "I miss you."

26. Singing at the top of your lungs

27. The color purple

28. Boys playing guitars

29. Crossing something off a 'to-do' list

30. The ocean

31. Clock towers

32. Deep conversations until the wee hours of the morning

33. Knowing someone has your back in all things

34. A cold Coke

35. Waterfalls

36. High school year books

37. Watching someone play piano

38. Songs that speak to your heart

39. Reading a book to a kid

40. That moment you've waited your whole life for (read more about that HERE, an old post I stumbled upon last night)

41. The way you feel after giving service

42. Inside jokes

43. Jim and Pam

44. Sunsets

45. Puppies

46. Butterflies in your stomach

47. Road Trips

48. Your best friend

49. Bike rides

50. The temple at night

Hope some of these make you smile, too. You- make a list of reasons to smile. I doubt you'll regret it.

The truth is..

2011-12-08T11:15:00.000-08:00

"Just a list of things I'd do if I could fly..

I would fly straight to the moon to bring the sands back here to you.

And we'd make castles where we'd spend our days

in rooms that last eternities..

And if I prayed for one more thing, it would be time.

Just a second I could pause, just one more minute at exhaust.

On the list of everything I need there's air, but first there's you and me.

There's love, and love you're everything.

I've had dreams where we collected all the clocks and put them all to bed,

because here inside this moment there is us, there need be nothing else.

This is something I've wished for.

If I had to walk the earth a thousand times, I'd do it cause I love you.

And I would spend every night under the stars to memorize the patterns both our heartbeats would make

it might stop me from shaking.

And the truth is,

I'd be shameless

I'd be grateful for this one chance

for our first dance,

and you are the one."

-Go Radio

Don't even try to tell me that that isn't one of the most beautifully spoken lyrics you've ever read. I've listened to this song about 1,293,948,384,928 times today. B.E.A.Utiful.

Please, don't lose your faith in me.

2011-12-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

"I am owed this now.

This is all I ever asked from you,

the only thing you couldn't do.

tell.me.the.whole.truth.

You don't know yourself,

How can I know you?

I will not be moved until you tell me the whole truth."

-TBS, of course

For the last few months (I wish I were exaggerating, this is what Rob and I's arguments have come to lately), Roberto (don't call my name Robertooooo) and I have had an ongoing argument about which Taking Back Sunday album is best. He claims the first. I claim the last. After months of trying to prove our points, I asked my music soulmate (get at me, Leester) and he brought a whole new album in to the picture (Where You Want to be). Made me think, he may be right. Either way, I need help. Someone who legitimately listens to them enough to know really needs to get on this and help us decide. I am pretty sure I won't quit being obsessed until we come to an agreement.

Also, listening to them makes me feel all emo'd out. Especi- in those glasses and that hoodie. Don't I just look like I have been listening to some incredibly emotional music? I have. I've said it a million times, I'll say it a million more time. And the thing I will have said two million times is: I am gangster in my head and emo in my heart.

Those lyrics above cut to the core when my lovely friend Adam is yelling them from the very depths of his being. Serious, give the song a little try (official title is This All is Now). If you have ever been lied to, you will feel it. One of my most intense relationships was destroyed with a lie. That's possibly why I love it so, it speaks to me. "I am owed this now." You know you have felt that way when someone owes you an explanation, the truth. BAH! I could talk about this all day. You, do yourself a favor and listen to a song that means something today. It could just change your life.

One Eighty by Winter

2011-12-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

"Go on just say it, you need me like a bad habit.

One that leaves you defenseless, dependent, and alone.

Live up to your first impression.

My best side was your worst invention.

Why can't you live without the attention?

I'll just say it.. I need you defenseless, dependent, and alone."
-Taking Back Sunday

I just went running in a tank top and booty shorts in December and was still sweating. Eat your heart out, Flagstaffians. Maybe next time you'll think before your rub the glorious snow in my face.

In other news, I can't wait to put this hat to use. When I told my parents that I don't start work until January 17th, they BOTH replied, "good, gives you time to fit in some snowboarding." Dear Sender of the Snow, please bless my pretty white mountains with the lovely fluffy stuff they were named for. Mommy already promised me a trip as soon as Sunrise opens it's pretty little doors.

And the song quote was just the song I was jamming when I started to write this, so you got a taste of it. I once (very hesitantly) said it was my favorite TBS song. I won't say it again, it's too sacred of a claim. Just know, it must be up there for those words to have come out of my mouth (even in a moment of weakness).

Stay safe, stay strong.

2011-12-06T02:05:00.000-08:00

"One more night and we'll go spinning around the room,

and dance with our hearts on fire

'cause every song is ours tonight

and if you love me so

I'm gonna tell the whole world that

it's the greatest thing to happen to me"

-Mayday Parade

That's my "excited I got a new job" face. Some excitement you just can't fake. Some excitement is easy to fake, like being excited for your sister that she was drawn- got drawn- drawed out- drew out- whatever the proper term is for getting drawn- for spring turkey. But this, it's real. It's undeniable. So. happy.

That song and this photo are unrelated in every way except for the fact that both the job and that song get me as pumped as the picture portrays. In the words of my good friend Jeph, "if you're feelin' like a pimp"...

"It came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time"

2011-12-05T22:36:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm on day 5 of "25 Days of Elf". It isn't old yet. I still laugh out loud every time. Not just an occasional chuckle.. but still literal outbursts of cracking up laughter. Such a classic movie.

Anyway. I just wanted to write a little thank you note to the universe for being so good to me. I am so blessed in so many more ways than I deserve. I am not sure why, but I know I am thankful for it. I know the Lord's hand is in every aspect of my life. I know it is through Him that all things are possible. So many prayers have been answered today, this week, this month, this year. I have learned so much. I just feel so overwhelmed with gratitude toward my Heavenly Father, I can't contain it. I had to write it down somewhere. I have been challenged in ways that have brought me to places I never thought I would be. I was so confused as to why, and now lately I am seeing the blessings that have come from it. The Lord knows what we need, if only we will trust Him. He knows how to help us, if only we will allow Him to do so.

I am so thankful for that knowledge. I am so thankful for His tender mercies. I am so thankful that He is willing to let us hurt in order to help us. I am so thankful for the Atonement and its healing power. I am so thankful Christ was willing to lay down his life and to suffer more than we can possibly imagine on our behalf. I am just so thankful. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. It is a beautiful feeling.

Last night I was reading in Alma about receiving His image in our countenance. I'm not sure if I have done that, but it hit me just how hard I need to strive to achieve it. Especially this Christmas season. Now is the time to reach out to Him, to let Him know just how thankful you are for all He has done for you. If you think you aren't blessed, just start noticing the people around you. Look at the challenges they are struggling with. Watch the news. We are so blessed.

"Have you received His image in your countenance?

Does the light of Christ shine in your eyes?

Will He know you when He comes again because you will be like Him?

When He sees you will the Father know His child?"

...just think about it.

Remember, you can catch a lot of flies with honey..

2011-11-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

..but you can catch more honies being fly.

I know I already posted that on facebook, but seriously it never gets old.

Hiiiiiiii friends! I know you miss reading my rantings. No worries, I haven't stopped watching Fantasy Factory and being inspired to write because of it, I have just been lazy. All is well.

A few things before I get to the point I am trying to make.

1. Seriously the Hunger Games trailer, am I right?! I'm freaking out.

2. The Cards won today, the Wolves won yesterday, the Heat are back on. The sports fan inside of me is tickled to death.

3. I bought a new stereo for my car. Ballin. Finally out of 2005 with my FM transmitter and caught up on the times of actually being able to use my iphone for what it's made for (besides making me the happiest girl to ever have an iphone).

4. If you aren't watching New Girl faithfully at this point, you're no friend of mine.

5. Everyone pray for snow.

6. Freaking Christmas right now. Best.time.of.year. There is a song they always played when I worked at Disney that said, "IT'S THE GREATEST TIME OF YEAR, AND IT'S HERE, COME AND CELEBRATE IT!" That's how I feel about Christmas right now. Let the watching of Elf & the Grinch on the daily commence.

So the other day I was watching Jay Leno (as I often do when I am hanging out with my mother (he's no Jimmy Fallon but he makes me giggle)) . Two of the guests on the show were an old man and his son. They told a story of how the father had gotten in an accident a while back. He flipped his car in to some swamp (or something? I wasn't paying close attention, the details are really irrelevant to the point) and disappeared for about a week. He was injured and starving, he had resorted to eating ants and spiders by the time they found him. The family had put together a search party and found him themselves. It was a really special story and they were both very emotional. The point, though, that was the real kicker, was when Jay asked the man what he learned from the event.

His response:

"I learned to not wait for a holiday to have dinner and spend time with my family."

That hit me like a punch in the face. Think about it..

How often do we get so caught up in our lives, our jobs, whatever we think is important in this life, that we don't take the time necessary to connect with our families? How many people only visit home when Easter, the 4th, Thanksgiving, and Christmas come around? Don't get me wrong, those holidays are important and nothing compares to that family time. However, I know we all have things we can cut out of our schedules that are less important than a Sunday dinner with those closest to us. It always seems to take some outside force to encourage most people to spend time with their loved ones. Holidays, tragedies, weddings, etc. Why not just visit for the pure joy of seeing family? Nothing is more important in this life.

Walt Disney once said, "A man should never neglect his family for business." I agree, but I would like to rephrase it to, "Nobody should neglect their family for any reason." Family is one of the few things we take with us after we are done here. It's one of the only relationships that will stand by our side our whole life. I think we all can agree on it's importance, but do we back this belief with our actions? Does it take a holiday to bring us together, or do we make a constant effort to spend time with those who mean the most?

I just wanted to share the incredible insight that man had. What a way to look at the horrible situation he was in. I guarantee he'll never take that time for granted again, and I hope I don't either.

I hope everyone had an incredible Thanksgiving and was able to see some family. Any time with them is good times. I know that's true for me. My family is a bunch of ballers. I love every one of those kids. This week has been bliss with them.

I didn't draw that, but it seemed to say it all.

Peace up, A-town down.

Ps. Look at this picture I found while googling the word "family"

You- laugh at my picture.

Another plug.

2011-10-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

I just signed up to start some freelance writing for an online community that allows me to basically write blog posts on their website. Not really sure how it will work out, but I'm giving it a try. Click >>HERE<< to check out my first post. A kinda sarcastic kinda serious post about Princess Kate. Thanks friends. Over and out.

Plugging my own blog on my own blog.

2011-10-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

Like a boss.

I really do update a blog, just not this one very often. Go >>HERE<< to see the meaningless rants of my not-so-hipster alias.

Jersey Girl

2011-09-17T13:52:00.000-07:00

No, not THAT kind of Jersey Girl. Not the Jersey Shore kind of Jersey Girl. I think I have been all too vocal on what I think about THAT kind of Jersey Girl..... I mean the movie, Jersey Girl.

By the way, to my cousin who is a Jersey Girl, I don't associate you with THAT kind of Jersey Girl (the Snooki kind). Love you.

I'm in Wichita Falls, Texas, waiting for a fire call that could come at any minute. It's an interesting thing because I am trying to plan, you know, my life, from a hotel room. I am going a bit stir crazy, but that's ok. I am watching some movie, Jersey Girl? It has Ben Affleck in it. Not his best work, but it ain't no thang. Ben's my boy. My number one.. number one celebrity anyway. I have many a celebrity boyfriend, believe you me, but Ben's been my boy for a while now. Probably since Pearl Harbor? That movie holds a special place in my heart, although many people judge me for that. It's whatever.

Anyway, this movie has me thinking about life and relationships and what's really important.. all those simple things. I have been thinking a ton about the types of relationships I have had and realized I have seen quite a variety of them. I must warn you I am about to go all Taylor Swift on this post so if any of these boys realize I am talking about them (none of them will read this anyway.. I am not sure anyone takes the time to read these rants at all - if you do, thanks for your patience) then I'm not sorry. It is what it is. I won't use your names.

(As a side note, have any of you seen the SNL when Taylor Swift hosted and wrote her own intro song? She rocked it. Here it is, in case you missed it..)

Anyway, relationships.

I've seen the first love, the one you never forget. The one you'll always kind of love a little, or at least have a special place in your heart for.

The first boy you ever considered marrying, even if you were too young to even think about it.

The boy who cheated on you.

The boy who you witnessed become something he wasn't (and therefore were happy to dodge a bullet by having gotten out of the relationship).

The summer love that ended all too quickly.

The summer love you ended to go to college and then regretted when you realized he meant more to you than you thought.

The boy you wanted back that was already over you.

The boy that wanted you back but you were already over.

The boy you planned on marrying, gave your life to, that faded over time.

The missionary.

The boy you trusted with your whole heart and soul who lied to you (and caused you trust issues from there on out).

The boy you walked away from that chased you down and got you back.

The boy you walked away from that let you go, who didn't even consider chasing you down.

The boy who didn't even know how you felt about him who dated your roommate and broke your heart without ever even knowing it happened.

The boy who was your best friend that knowingly hurt you.

The boy who was your best friend who loved you more and treated you better than any boy you had ever dated but you couldn't be with because of opposing beliefs; therefore, leaving no hope for a future together.

The boy you crushed on that you wish would just give you a chance and yet never gave you a second look.

The boy (possibly the worst one) who is absolutely perfect on paper and yet you can't bring yourself to date because the butterflies and chemistry just isn't there.

The boy who is absolutely in love with you that you just wish you could love back, but don't.

The boy you love who is nothing you want on paper yet somehow steals your heart away anyway.

The boy you planned to marry that is now married to someone else.

The boy you hurt that you could never forgive yourself for.

The boy that hurt you so bad you have to work every day to not be bitter toward.

The boy that made every moment together perfect.

The boy you argued with all the time but that somehow meant love.

The boy you didn't even realize you loved until something magical happened that changed everything.

The boy you would do anything for, even still, who couldn't care less.

The boy you love so much that you are genuinly happy to see with someone else because they are happy.

The boy you will always love but will never have the guts to tell so he'll never know and probably never care.

The boy you think about when you hear a love song on the radio.

The boy you think about when you hear a sad song on the radio.

The boy who, no matter how bad he hurt you, you will never regret dating because of all he taught you.

The last one is all encompassing. It describes every boy listed before him in some way or another. As I wondered why we kill ourselves with all the heartache and embarrassment relationships can bring, I realized it's because the benefits outweigh the risks. With each of these boys (there have only been a few, they are described more than once on the list) I learned something that changed my heart. Some in small ways, some in big. I wouldn't trade the time spent with them and the feelings shared for anything in the world because it has made me stronger. I am better equipped to handle heartache. I am better at relationships. I am more confident. I have a better idea of what I am looking for in a person. I am better at letting go. I am better at holding on. I am a better person. I can handle the truth. I can tell the truth. I can trust. I can question.

The only relationship that is not listed above is a lasting one. One that survived the good and bad times. One that is forever. That one will be the last relationship I am ever in, and will likely complete my list. Until then, I know everything in between will be a learning experience like the ones before it. All of these are preparing me for that, and for that I am thankful. Thankful to the boys who broke my heart. Thankful to the boys who taught me things. Thankful to the Lord for allowing me to hurt in order to make me stronger.

Some people tell me I am too picky in relationships. I don't believe that because of everything I just said. The ones that didn't work out before now were not because I am too picky, it's because they were sent to teach me something. When it's right, it will be right.

The other day a friend of mine sent me something that helped me realize what I need to look for in a person. It's so beautifully put. Maybe ironic that it's by Bob Marley whom I talked about in my last post.

Thanks, Bob.

So there it is, a description of the last relationship I will add to the list. It's important to remember all these things, and I think I have learned them through the boys in my life up to this point. I am sure I have so much more to learn, and I look forward to doing it.

So there they are, my thoughts as a result of this random Ben Affleck movie. To be honest, it's over and now I am listening to reruns of Top Model. I wish this show didn't suck me in, but I like to look at the photos and you have to watch the whole episode to see them. I know they do that on purpose, lame. Anyway, as a goodbye thought... Mr. Jay from Top Model = Cinna from the Hunger Games. Think about it.

young & reckless

2011-08-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Luvers & fransss.

It’s been too long, how lovely to see you. As I mentioned in a previous post, I neglect blogger way more than I should. I wanted a mini reunion, so here I am.

By the way, I think if I had a dollar for every post that I referenced Fantasy Factory & I put those dollars in an interest bearing account, I could retire on Tuesday.

A few housekeeping matters:

1. I am back in Texas, so there may be many more of these to come. I tend to get bored and want to write when I am stuck in a hotel room 12 hours a day for 2 weeks.

2. I wish I could delete the words ‘epic’ and ‘legit’ from the English language, unless of course they are used at the appropriate time (nobody seems to know when that is).

3. Ryan Gosling is…. go watch Crazy, Stupid, Love; I think you’ll get what I mean.

4. I am still so happy Melanie won So You Think You Can Dance.

5. I think that’s it.

There are two reasons I am here. First, today I was stuck in the car allllllllll day driving through ‘the land of enchantment' (how DID New Mexico get that nickname? #questionsiwillneverknowtheanswerto), so I was asking the dudes I was with random questions (does that surprise anyone coming from me?). One of the questions was this: “If you were stuck on an island and could only listen to one band/singer for the rest of your life, who would it be?” I was expecting Disturbed, AC/DC, some metal core band I had never heard of…..

“Bob Marley.”

Really, bro? That’s awesome. Not what I was expecting at all. It made me really question who mine would be. The very first instinct was Taking Back Sunday. I never get sick of them. They are my favorite. Easy choice. This guy’s surprising answer made me think again… It needs to be someone with variety. Soft, hard, bitter, sweet, happy, depressing, something that fits any mood. Who would you pick?! It’s not that easy. I am still having trouble deciding (maybe Mayday?). I’ll get back to you on that.

Second, I want to talk about something I discovered in the last two weeks. Being a seasonal firefighter, I really don’t have a summer. Most people go on vacation, play at the lake, soak up the sun, eat ice cream, beach, lemonade, whatever. We all know what summer includes. I haven’t had one in five years. I miss the 4th of July, I miss family vacations to San Diego, I miss friend vacations to Disneyland. I know, boo-hoo woe is me… that isn’t what I mean. I love my job and am very thankful for it. I just mean that everything I packed in these last two weeks made it finally feel like summer time for the first time in years. It was glorious.

In the last two weeks I went to the creek, I went hiking (not to a fire), I ate ice cream, I sat by the pool all day (twice), I got a little color on my skin, I walked around the city at night without a jacket & in a skirt (that never happened living in Flags, I was only there for the winter), I rode my bike with my sister, I went to the temple, I went to lunch with my mom, I went to a concert, I got a pedicure with my sister, I went on a date, I jumped in the lake at night in the rain.

Incredible right? So much to fit into two blissful weeks!

The important thing that I learned about it, though, was how simply reckless it all was. Not reckless in the irresponsible way (like maxing out a credit card, or quitting the only job I had so I could be more social). I was reckless in the way that I did everything I wanted when I wanted to. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t worry about what it would mean for the future. I didn’t stress in my mind about the consequences of the actions I took. It. Was. Amazing.

I am not saying we should all start making senseless decisions where we don’t contemplate the consequences of our choices… I am saying we should not sweat the small stuff. Life changing decisions, right and wrong decisions, decisions that affect other people… those ones need serious time and contemplation.

Deciding, however, to spend the money for a concert you will never forget, eating food you know calories could kill you with, taking the day off to lay by the beach pool with your nieces… none of those need serious thought! Just. Do. It. Thinking too hard about the affects hold us back. I always worry to the point of near insanity about every tiny decision I make.

“Should I text this boy? Maybe he will think I am crazy…”

“Should I drive all the way to Winslow? I really need to clean my room…”

“Should I spend this money on this show? Maybe I should save it for later…”

Behold, I say unto you: stop it with the stress. Text him! Who cares what he thinks? Maybe it will lead to something good. Go! Your room can be cleaned any time; you can’t go see your mom any time. Spend it! You work hard, rewards are deserved at times.

See what I mean? Reckless… maybe. Or maybe this is just how normal people are, and I am guarded for no reason. Either way, I learned something.

Have you ever seen the movie ‘Yes, Man’? That movie pretty much sums up my point. Saying no to things closes so many doors. I don’t think we should say yes to absolutely everything, but I do think we should stop saying no all the time. Yes brings opportunity. No puts you at home alone on Saturday night. Yes brings memories. No brings regrets. (Disclaimer: we all know there are MANY times we should say no, especially when the world would have us say yes. But the little things, like standing in a fountain, say yes once in a while.) Be open to things.

"The world is a playground. We know that when we're kids, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets."

It’s what we are, what we should be.

Put your feet in the fountain as you walk by it. Lay down in the middle of the street if you want to. Kiss a boy. Jump in a lake fully clothed. None of these have negative lasting impressions.. rather, they leave you with unforgettable memories. Being reckless keeps us young. Stay young… go dancing.

Think about it.

Make your own luck.

2011-05-28T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible about updating this little dear lately. I converted to the dark side and started a tumblr account and basically abandoned blogger. If you would like to see it (assuming you haven't done so already when it clogged up your news feed by automatically updating itself to my news feed on facebook) click [here] to do so. You may be converted as well. I will probably use it exclusively pretty soon, but for now I am still here.

One of my recent posts on there had to do with things I have learned so far this summer. One of them reads as follows:

"Being hit in the stomach with a frisbee during ultimate is probably equivalent to being hit in the stomach with a piece of rebar during a gang fight."

I know what you are thinking- 'how would you know what either of those painful sensations feels like?' Well friends, I have no idea what it feels like to be hit with rebar, and sadly I have never been in a gang fight (but you can imagine what it would be like if I had). I just thought it was the most descriptive way to explain how I felt after being an accidental target during ultimate frisbee at work yesterday.
BEHOLD:

(don't mind the icky tummy veins, the settings I used for the picture to accentuate the bruise made them look bolder than they normally are)

Maybe it doesn't look so bad, but I can assure you it isn't the most comfortable bruise. It feels like a rib was possibly broken in the process, or something like that.

As far as fun summer activites are concerned, I did get to spend some time in Cali last week. I. Love. California. The point of the trip was to help my little brother get over his fear of roller coasters via a surprise trip to Six Flags (mission accomplished). While there we also crossed another Hard Rock Cafe off my list (Athens, Rome, DC, NYC, Orlando, Vegas, now Hollywood.. hollaaaa). We didn't take many pictures at Six Flags because we were busy, you know, riding roller coasters. Being beasts. No big.

We did, however, take time to make memories at Santa Monica Pier.

It may be my very favorite place in the world. I haven't been everywhere, but I have been blessed to see a lot of places; for some reason this one just holds a special place in my heart. I am a beach lover. I am a city lover. I am a sunset lover. All these things are represented in this little piece of sketchy-and-scary-after-dark bliss.

We also saw a different side of Hollywood thanks to a few Flagstaff friends who happened to be there as well.

Hollywood city lights- feelin' like a boss.

I started out with a point to this post... I spent (wasted) half my day today watching the Fantasy Factory Marathon on mtv. I took a few things away from this pointless experience, some of which I will be happy to share:

1. If you rock at skateboarding and act on every crazy idea you have you can live the dream.

2. Live your brand. (this applies to almost nobody, but I still learned it)

3. Make your own luck.

Honorable mention: I still want an english bulldog.

Numero tres was the one I wanted to talk about. Make your own luck. What does that mean, exactly? Well, I like to think that although you can't predict everything in life and sometimes life throws you curves you aren't expecting that change your situation beyond your control, you can still- in many ways- decide your fate. Often, people see those around them who are successful as 'lucky'. They often think those peole were just handed a good lot in life and that everything they have is due to some out of their control force that chooses who gets good and who gets bad. Not. true.

There are things out there that you can't control, do not focus on those things. Focus on what you can control and what some people view as 'luck' will follow. I've heard it said that:

"The harder I work, the luckier I get."

-Samuel Goldwyn

True. So true. If you just take everything life hands you and do nothing with it, you will be 'unlucky'. If, on the other hand, you take everything life hands you and work on it, with a goal in mind, toward what you want, you will be 'lucky'. Make sense?

do nothing = unlucky

work hard = lucky

Therefore, if you work hard, stay driven, think positively, keep moving forward, and always have a goal in mind, you can make your own (good) luck. If you do just the opposite (take what life hands you and do nothing, avoid making goals, and think negatively) you also make your own (bad) luck.

I think I am a pretty lucky girl. I have seen much of the world, I have a degree, I have a job. Granted, life has handed many good things that are out of my control. I was blessed with my health, a good family, raised with the gospel in my home- all things that are for the most part out of my control. But I have not been without my share of struggles. My parents were divorced when I was young, I have memories of things I witnessed that no child should have memory of, and many more that I choose not to focus on. Taking those bad experiences that I could not control and focusing on them would have not lead me to the luck I have now. Taking the good things in my life, however, that were out of my control and applying them to my goals have lead me to be a pretty lucky girl.

I am now at a crossroads in my life. I have many choices ahead of me. I have the oppotunity to make what I want with what I have. There are things out of my control that effect the choice I will make including the current economy, the fact that I am not married, etc. I can take these things and do nothing with them, or I can take them and 'get lucky' by working hard to achieve the goals I have. In essence, I plan on making my own luck.

I hope that all makes sense, and I hope we all make it a goal to make our own luck.

Ignore the creepy bunny.

Having the life option to make your own luck and choose what is next is stressful. I have a few options in mind, we will see what works out. I am heavily considering going to Ecuador for three months, to work in an orphanage. My good friend Stormy did it, and I feel like 'why not'? I am young, not tied down or overly committed to anything? I am also looking in to jobs somewhere beyond the borders of Arizona. As much as I love this state, a new chapter in another place is calling my name. I mentioned my love for California earlier, don't think that isn't on the list. Maybe I will follow the dream I always had of New York City, or London... or maybe a mission. Only time will tell, I guess. For now, I am loving the time I have been blessed with to spend with my family. I love those kids more than words can describe. Also, one last season as a seasonal firefighter suits me just fine.

Now get out there, kids, and make yourself some luck.

Be informed.

2011-05-03T00:14:00.000-07:00

Warning: This post is wordy. There are no pictures. Sorry.

Dear whoever is reading:

After the past few days of keeping updated on the comments and speculations people have made via social networking mediums such as facebook and twitter, I have a few things I would like to say as well. I guess there is no place better to do it than here; it's somewhere I can state my opinion without the fear of someone interrupting and/or disagreeing. As you may have guessed, I would like to discuss the capture of Osama Bin Laden (I know, everyone has something to say about that).

Although the topic is still very sensitive and people have much to say about it, I am not here to state my opinion on the events that took place. I am not here to place on judgement on those who cried, "ding dong, Osama's dead" in the streets, or those arguing "Jesus said love everyone" (with those very discriminatory and slightly immature descriptions I do not mean to offend anyone, I was just trying to sum up both arguments in a fairly short and slightly humorous way). I believe both sides have valid arguments, and I do not want to state my opinion on such topics at this point. I have one (doesn't everyone), and would love to talk about it with anyone who cares to know, but this is not the time or place for that.

(Although, as a side note, I would like to pass a little judgement on those people who made horrific "jokes" about the event by tweeting the following:

1. Saddam Hussein

2. Osama Bin Laden

Next: Justin Bieber

I do not care how annoying you think he is, it is never funny or acceptable to compare a harmless 17 year old boy to two power hungry, relentless, mass murderers. If you RT'd this, or even found it funny.. SHAME. ON. YOU. Pathetic and ignorant.)

I would, however, like to state my opininon on some of the reactions that I read on facebook soon after the news was reported. As I was reading through my news feed I noticed a status that read, "already sick of the Osama updates", and another that said, "most redundant news feed ever." Oh, I am sorry, did we interrupt your normal news feed to discuss a major event in history? We will let you get back to reading about what people had for lunch and how well they did on their biology exam.. Grow up.

At times I am ashamed at the way people in my generation view politics, disasters,and current events in general. The majority of them are more interested in what version of Portal is coming out next than the fact that the entire state of Alabama is now homeless because of natural disasters. This was reflected perfectly the other night when I was watching Jay Leno. Jay sent a man to spring break in Cancun to ask college age students their opinions on the US economy.

"How do you believe we can solve the housing crisis?"
"What housing crisis?"

"What do you think will bring peace to the Middle East?"
"Why isn't there peace there?"

PLEASE. BE. KIDDING.

Maybe it's the history minor I received during my studies at NAU, or maybe it's my passionate and patriotic mother. Whatever it is, I can not help but be disgusted with people who care more about what happened on this week's episode of Teen Mom than what is happening with the Nuclear melt-down in Japan. They say ignorance is bliss, I say ignorance is ignorant. I don't mean to imply that if you watch mindless tv that you don't care about what is happening in the world. If that were the case, I would be mocking myself; I catch up on plenty of mindless tv. I am, however, saying if you care more about the conviction of Lindsay Lohan than what the President has to say about the capture of the most wanted terrorist currently living, there is a problem. One day your grandchildren may ask you about the war against terrorism. Will you respond with, "sorry kids, I don't know anything about that, while President Obama was speaking I was busy watching 16 & Pregnant"?

My generation is the future leaders of America. How will we lead if we do not take the time to learn from our predecessors? Maybe we don't agree with everything the Government is doing.. that is fine, as long as you learn enough about what they are doing to form an opinion about it. Learn to think for yourself people, please.

As I mentioned earlier, many opinions are being thrown around about the event that took place yesterday, some of which are very passionate and heated. I love that they have an opinion because having an opinion means they care. Caring is a beautiful thing. No matter how you feel about the news you hear, be sure you hear it. Be informed. Watch the news. Listen to the radio. Read the paper. If the President makes a speech, listen to him. Do not shrug off something that will be written in the history books because you were eager to get back to the usual clutter of monotonous status updates pasted all over your facebook wall.

With these statements I in no way mean to offend. I simply hope to bring some small motivation to be involved in the world around you. I am sitting in my nice bed, in a warm house, wearing clothing, with a stomache that is not hungry. If you do not realize how many people in the world are nowhere near being able to say the same, you are exactly who I am talking to. It is nice to be in the ignorance bubble, but it is more important to understand all that is happening around you. Form whatever opinion you like... just care. That is all, please just care.

Rebecca Black should stop singing asap.

2011-04-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

WARNING: THERE IS NO REAL POINT TO THIS POST.

Now that we have established that fact, moving on..

First, I just want to tell anybody who calls me that if I don't answer your phone call, I don't hate you. I simply hate talking on the phone. It isn't that I don't love to hear from my friends. Trust me, if you care enough about me to take the time to call me, you are my buddy for life. I just am not one to sit and chat via telephone. Maybe it's because I am impatient, maybe I am lazy, maybe I'm a jerk.. I don't really know. I just know that I often times never return the call of someone I love and they think I don't care about our friendship. I do, so much! I just don't feel the need to talk every day to feel close to you. I don't care any less about you when we go a while without talking. Hope that didn't come off the wrong way, I just wanted to explain.

Also, I LOVE RUNNING. Just thought I would let you know.

And, I found this little 'note' thing on facebook from ions ago. I thought to myself, "what the heal is a note?" ..facebook has some pointless features. Anyway.. I was going to delete it, but I thought instead of getting rid of it completely I would post it on here in case I ever care to remember it some day. It was one of those annoying fb games when you get tagged and then have to write 25 facts about yourself? Something like that. So, alas, 25 random things you don't care to know (if anyone is still even here at this point.. many of you have probably already aborted the mission of trying to make it through this entire post):

1. I love texting, I will always choose texting over a phone call if it is possible; for some reason talking on the phone freaks me out. (Haha ironic, I just talked about that)

2. I am addicted to adventure. (still true)

3. I love semi-colons; I know, I'm a freak. (also still true; I love them)

4. I love flamingos. I first started liking them because of my cousin, who was someone I idolized. Now I just love them because they rock.

5. Secretly my dream is to be a Broadway performer, but my lack of vocal talent kind of limits me.

6. I am a gross girl. I don't shave my legs and never pluck my eyebrows. My fingernails are always short like a boy because they bug me when they are long, and they probably still have the paint on them from four months ago. Basically I am nasty! Haha don't tell anyone. (I am better about this now, my sister is a cosmo girl, she keeps me in line)

7. I have a book full of music lyrics that have either affected me or I loved throughout my life.

8. More times than not I am listening to John Bytheway if I have my iPod in.

9. If I ever say anything funny or witty it usually is a movie quote.

10. I always had a dream to go to Rome, now that I fulfilled that, I want to go to Paris.

11. I am terrified of first kisses... To the point of embarrassing. Just ask the few people who have had to endure that experience with me... (hahahaha yep)

12. The one thing I want most in life is something I can not do for myself.

13. Sometimes I find it hard to breathe when I am learning history, it gets me so excited... especially if it has to do with the Constitution or the Founding Fathers. I know right? I am a little weirdo.

14. I hate animals. I am not a hateful person at all, but for some reason I just am not a fan of anything furry or smelly that leaves hair everywhere. (not still true, something has changed within me, and I love animals... most of them)

15. I love love and being in love and everything that has to do with the emotion.

16. I deal with people younger than me better than I deal with older people.

17. I hate using LOL in texts, and I hate abbreviating words. I don't mind when other people do it, I just don't like it for myself. And I hate one word reply texts.

18. If there is a group of women in a room talking and a group of men in the other room watching a game or sporting event, chances are I will be watching the game with the guys. I know, very lady like and very classy.

19. I love when guys sing, it melts my heart.

20. My favorite song is "I Believe in Christ" when the MoTab sings it.

21. I love music with intelligent and clever lyrics. I HATE music with stupid lyrics.... Ex. stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, ella, ella ella. Who wrote that down and thought- now that is a good song?

22. I judge movies by their titles. Flicka? Knew it would be terrible simply because of the name.

23. I love BBQ sauce.

24. I love the Geico gecko.

25. I can not spell worth my life.

I decided to add a few more random facts, just to help cure the boredom:

26. Since I read the Hunger Games I have this crazy desire to rock at shooting a bow and arrow. I also read books about edible plants.

27. Modern Family is my favorite show on tv, and pretty much the only thing I watch except for Fantasy Factory (love me some Rob, Drama, and Big Cat).

28. I love rap music. I used to HATEEEEE it. Nope, love it. Gangsta.

29. I love when guys wear V-neck shirts. There is this ridiculous stereotype that only gay guys wear them. Well, straight guys, look around. Gay guys are stylish. I am a girl, and I am telling you I love a man in a V-neck (not the deep V, those are for tools (sorry deep V wearers, I automatically assume you are a tool when you wear that shirt)).

30. I want to adopt and asian baby. I have a weird infatuation with asians, I think they are awesome. I have an asian sister. I want an asian child.

I am just going to wrap this up since it was and is still going nowhere. Hope your week is awesome. Tomorrow is Friday! Friday! Friday! I am headed to the valley after work for the Pat Tillman Run on Saturday.. it's gonna be pretty cool.

Ps. Just so you don't feel like this was a COMPLETE waste of your time... here are two things I am determined to make people love. I have already posted them on facebook so if you have seen them, you are free to go. If not... you, watch my videos.

This first one is my future husband, Tyler Ward, I was talking about the other day. This is one of my favorite's of his songs. I love this song anyway, but this version just rockssss.

Also, Taylor Swift always writes her songs about dudes in her life, you know? Well, I had heard that she wrote "Enchanted" about meeting Adam Young, aka Owl City (I love you Owl City). That happens to be not only my favorite song of Taylor's, but is also in my top 5 favorite songs ever. Yesterday, while searching through youtube for no reason, I stumbled upon this little version of it. Adam Young's response to the song Taylor wrote about him. If you are still reading you clearly have time on your hands (because I am boring even myself), so watch it all the way through. The best part are the last few lines!

I want them to get in love! Their babies would be freakishly talented little lyric prodigies.

Ps. If you know where I can find a version of this song, not illegally, let me know?! Thanks. And thanks for making it clear to the end. You deserve a cookie :)

I'll be seeing you.

2011-04-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

I am watching the Notebook. Favorite. Movie. Ev. This little part is so appropriate for my life right now, I thought it necessary to share..

"My Dearest Allie:

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

-Noah"

True life: I'm addicted to acoustic covers.

2011-04-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

I live and breath for acoustic cover songs. Not sure why, but they are always (ALWAYS) better than the original to me. I can't even tell you how they make me feel.. pure happiness. The guitar and the piano have always been my weaknesses, some people can attest to that. That is possibly why I am addcited to Tyler Ward right now. That is all he does. He makes sick covers of amazing songs. Man. Of. My. Dreams. Youtube him. You will love him if you love covers (and hate him if you hate them, like my sister does).

Life is a funny thing. It is just a huge roller coaster ride of highs and lows. Lately I have kind of been wondering the purpose of life. I feel like every day I just wake up and go to work to make money to pay my bills so I can live to go to work to make money to pay my bills so I can live to go to work to make money to pay my bills... see where this is going? What is the purpose? I am living but not alive. Just being. It's awful.

I have been really caught up on this thought. Like... what is the point?! Hello monotony.

But then today I had this conversation with a girl at work. She was talking about how she doesn't care much about religion. She said she doesn't believe in a higher power and that it is not important to her to understand those important questions in life. I thought to myself... what is the point?! If there is no higher power, why are we here? We are born, life is full of struggles, and then we die? Hello monotony.

See what my epiphany was?

THAT is the point of life. I am not just waking up every day to go to work to make money to pay my bills so I can live to go to work to make money... you know where I am going with that. There is SO MUCH more purpose to my life than that. I am here to gain a body. I am here to learn and grow. I am here to make covenants. I am here to find an eternal companion. I am here to raise a family to have faith in my Heavenly Father. I am here to prove my worthiness so I can return to Him. I have so much knowledge to the point of life, and I take is so for granted! I know what the purpose is, I feel awful for having forgotten it for one small moment. Life is beautiful. Life is a time to learn and grow and become better.

I have had many struggles, as has everyone. This last year has nearly done me in. For a while, I was not sure how much more my little heart could take. But then there was a talk in General Conference that referenced a plant (or a tree? or something... people who watched it help me out..). Either way, in the story there was a gardener who had to hurt the plant in order to save it. I am butchering this story to death... the point being sometimes we have to go through hard times in order to become who we are meant to be. It does not mean the Lord does not love us and is not aware of us, it means He does.

These are all random thoughts that have nothing to do with my obsession with acoustic cover songs, but if you have ever read a post on this blog before you know that these random thoughts are how I roll. Sorry if the random change of subject drives you crazy.

I'll end it with a quote that is currently my fb status, because it came in to my mind so clearly today when I needed it most... literally an answered prayer.

There's no glory in the downhill.

2011-03-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

This post really has nothing to do with that, although that is a fabulous point. In the Forest Service they always used to say that to us. When we were hiking for pt's (physical training), there were always those people who would be dying on the uphill. They would be lagging behind while everyone else had to wait for them. Everyone would be carrying their tools and helping them because they couldn't make it up the hill. Yet, on the downhill, they would kick it in to high gear. They would get way ahead of the group like they were the fastest or something. Annoying. The guys who were braver than me and spoke their mind would always shout at them, "there is no glory in the downhill!"

Really, there isn't in the Forest Service and there isn't in life. Furreal. Who gets any real credit for rocking the easiest parts of life? It's when we are struggling, when life is the hardest, when you have to push yourself to survive whatever is ahead of you that you earn glory. No glory in the downhill, lots of glory in the uphill. Remember that. I can't say I never went faster down the hills, but I can say I wasn't the one giving up on the uphill either. Think about that.

The reason I have this topic on my mind is because I have been making a point to go hiking after work. I only go maybe once a week, but I love it! It feels so good! And, it's gorgeous. I am in love with Flagstaff during times like these...

And when I get down the mountain I see this..

Amazing. I love the forest.

Also, I wanted to brag on my sister for a minute. She is my personal hair stylist, and is so patient with me, it's ridiculous. I have a very tender head, not to mention we both get irritable during the 3 1/2 hours it takes to color my hair. And, she rocks at her job. Anyway, my hair is kinda confused on what color it is, but I like it. It's very dark, but growing on me...

We were just going to do it the same as the last time, but I picked a little bit darker color. Turns out it made me more of a brunette than a blonde! Oh well. I color it every six weeks (sometimes less when I get restless). I'll be blonde again soon enough. As for now, I am doing the brunette thing.

I also wanted to say I am so excited because... one of my very best friends of all time asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding!! So excited. So excited for her and her hubby to be. So excited to be a part of it. Love you Crich!

Random thought, Midnight Milky Way are the best candy there is.

Another thing, I am almost 23. My sister once told me that if I weren't married by 23 I was officially old maid status. Well, unless I meet, date, and marry a man in the next 5 weeks, old maid status here I come. And proud of it!

Single girl swaggg.

Only 19 more days of tax season. Counting down.

One last thing... April General Conference. This weekend. Favorite weekend of the year. It's my favorite holiday. The springtime is the most amazing time of year, so many new and beautiful things coming about. The weather is finally coming around. Everything is wonderful. April is my favorite month. April Conference just sums up everything happy in life. Everyone tune in for a weekend of bliss!

That's it. This was random. Enjoy!

Ps. Watching 27 Dresses and they are singing Bennie and the Jets. Possibly one of my favorite movie moments ever! MMmmmMMmmm James Marsden.

WONDERSTRUCK

2011-03-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs is 'Enchanted' by Taylor Swift. I bring this up because some of the words just seemed appropriate for this post. If you push play it helps add to the effect :)

This week my nieces went to Disneyland for the first time. I didn't get to go with them, but thankfully my Aunt Rhonda (lovingly referred to as Nana Wanda) was there to send me pictures. I was in tears looking at them. I doubt they have this same effect on everyone, but they are so absolutely adorable I had to share.

I should prefix this by telling you that these nieces love princesses. When you ask Jaycee her name, she more often than not will tell you her name is Cinderella. She plays Princess wedding by the fireplace and pretends to marry Prince Charming while all dressed up and wearing a tiara. Sweet and beautiful Socorro willingly obliges and they stay in this little fairy tale fantasy world of imagination all day long. Oh to be a child.

Knowing this, you can image what a dream come true it was for them to go to Disneyland, see Cinderella's Castle, and meet the princesses. They got all dressed up to do so. They are so beautiful.

When little Jaycee was all dressed up, she went outside the castle and bowed to the people as they walked by just like any princess would. People clapped and cheered for her. Can you imagine how magical that was for a 3 year old? Brings a smile right to my face :)

My beautiful angel Socorro. Isn't she so pretty? And so sweet.

They are so different, and yet both so wonderful in their own ways. I couldn't imagine life without them. I'm not sure I love any two people in the world as much as them, or at least in the same way. Children have a way of stealing your heart.

The reason Taylor Swift seemed appropriate for this post is this photo. I can imagine that for these two babies, "it was enchanting to meet you", Cinderella...

WONDERSTRUCK

That word just seems so appropriate.

Thank you Disney for making it possible for little girl's dreams to come true. Thank you for so perfectly perfecting magic.

Hope this makes you smile like the pictures did for me :)

it's pretty cool

2011-03-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

This is possibly the cutest kid alive (Taralee if you see this don't get creeped out, I told you he kissed me!).

Anywho.. what up G? There is kind of a point to this post, I just wanted to show off the special kiss I got this weekend...
...But what I really wanted to mention is a little invesment I just made...

Say 'ello to Evelyn.

...I named her after the girl in Pearl Harbor. I have always had a little love infatuation with that movie (dear future husband: if you are reading this we will have a son named Rafe after Ben Affleck in that movie).

I was a little worried to spend the money on it, but the way I look at it.. it is a way to improve on my talents. Right? Pretend to agree with me, please.. It's always good to invest in those right? The key now is staying motivated to put it to use. Without homework taking up my spare time (although I still feel like I have none) I may as well try to better myself in other ways. Painting, guitar, and working out are kind of my focus right now. Yay :)

I do have another gorgeous guitar my angel mother bought me for my 16th birthday that I strum on once in a while. I am hoping that having an acoustic to practice on (so my sister doesn't go crazy hearing me play it over the amp) will help me become good enough to rock out on my girl Lydia (the electric) (not sure why I name everything after girls... my car is Mrs. Darcy and my snowboard is Kelly... my computer is Zac though, guess he balances it out) (not sure why I name all of my things) (let's see how many parentheses I can get going here) (haha).

Anyway, I had the most amazing weekend, life is just fantastic. I got to see so many of my best friends! It was wonderful seeing them and catching up!

Add caption

Don't mind that we all look like vampires, the flash did weird things to our eyes.

I also saw my fave high school boys, including my high school boyfriend (what up Dan Gaylor). I also saw the Reidheads, Clayton and Jared, and last, but not least, the mish! He has been home way too long for having just met up with him.. but oh well, it was so good to see him.. :)

Last weekend I went to Vegas, which I posted nothing on, it's really hard to capture such an amazing weekend over text (text as in writing, not what your phone does). My friend Stevis captured the key points quite well, don't mind Stevie if I steal the list and post it here..

The Bellagio water show! I could've stayed there all night and watched it! So incredible, you've just got to see it.

The Venetian! How have I never seen the inside of this place in all the times I've been to Vegas? I am a little obsessed with the atmosphere they created in there.

The Phantom of the Opera! I am SO GLAD we [Kent] decided on this show! It was outstanding. I wish I could've taken photos of the interior of the theater. If you've seen the movie, it's a pretty equivalently spectacular theater as the one in the movie, except it's not a movie set! It's really breath-taking.

We stayed at the Hilton (thanks, Priceline ...or should I be thanking William Shatner?). They had a little dance club downstairs with no cover-charge, so we ended the night getting groovy on the dance floor.

We had some pretty awesome interaction with random strangers on this trip. And if you know the people I went with, you can understand that even if we weren't in Vegas, we'd still be having a blast! I love my friends! It was fun to renew our bond after a few years of absence.

...Thanks Steve! Here are some fun photos from the trip..

In general, the trip was pretty cool.

One last thing... thank you to my little brother for asking me to witness his patriarchal blessing this weekend. Talk about a special experience. I was so touched. I have such amazing siblings, and such a wonderful family. I love them, and the gospel. The church is true, remember that if nothing else.

Ps. If you are getting sick of me saying 'it's pretty cool' and have no idea where it came from, take a peek at this:
Miley on SNL

PPS. I have noticed many spelling errors in my posts lately. Don'y judge me, I can spell.. I just spilled Coke on my keyboard many moons ago, so very often my computer responds slowly to what I type and leaves out key letters. Sorry!

Eat your veggies, and don't do drugs.

2011-03-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

I've had an itch to write lately. The other night I found myself watching Marley & Me (and sobbing like a child) and was jealous of the man in it who wrote a column every day. I'm not sure I could produce something interesting to say every day, but I would enjoy it, furrrsure.

Anyway. Numero 3 on the list. My feelings on drugs and alcohol.

I think if you know me at all you probably know at least a piece of my feelings on drugs and alcohol.

Pretty much sums it up.

People make a lot of assumptions as to how LDS people feel about this subject. People make assumptions that we don't do it because we CAN'T, because we are FORCED to resist. They assume we are restricted. They assume we would do it if we could.

They assume we do not have the FREEDOM to live as the world lives, to participate in the world's greatest 'pleasures', to be accepted in social circles because we choose not to participate.

You know what they say about assumptions..

Not everyone does this, but many people do. So, since you likely already know that I stand very strongly against drugs and alcohol because of my beliefs, I would like to talk about why I would stand against them regardless of how my faith views them.

Earlier I mentioned the word freedom. People believe that freedom is the right to do whatever you want, whenever you choose. According to dictionary.com, freedom actually means:

'the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint:

exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.

the power to determine action without restraint.'

People think we have no freedom because we do not participate in Thirsty Thursday, the date 4/20 means nothing to us, and we wake up sober on Sunday mornings. According to the definition of freedom, we are the living word. Believing that fiending for the next fix, killing an innocent person because you were driving under the influence, and that waking up and remembering nothing from the night before defines freedom is simply incorrect.

Drugs and alcohol are a prison, not a release. People believe it can be done recreationally, for sport. They believe they can keep it in moderation. This is true, some people can. But regardless of whether they become and alcoholic or simply drink a glass of wine with dinner, they are still 'restricted' and 'under physical constraint' while under the influence; they are not in the appropriate state of mind to have 'power to determine action'.

Many people have very addictive personalities, it's often times hereditary. Those people, the ones who can't live without their addictions, are in more of a prison than I have ever been by choosing to say no to these harmful and addictive substances. Every choice they make is revolved around the addiction, they have little control over their own lives. It is ruined by the drugs and alcohol. Anyone who has had an alcoholic relative or seen or witnessed someone close to you suffer withdrawl symptoms can relate to what I am saying. There is no freedom in addiction.

So you tell me, who is the free one? Yes, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, part of my beliefs is to follow Christ through obeying the Word of Wisdom. But the Word of Wisdom is a beautiful principal set in place to keep us free. Free from additions. Free from regrets. Free from the prison that is drugs and alcohol.

My family has taken many live-in extended family members at times when they struggled with these addictions. I have watched as people have lost everything in life they loved to these substances. They lost their families, their jobs, their livelihood. Every bit of money was spent to find the next fix. Every effort made was to get the next high. A life lived this way is a life lost. We have so much opportunity in this life to grow and excel. None of that can be accomplished if we rely too heavily on unnatural and harmful substances. I know many of you have suffered with close family members who struggled with these things. To you, I am sorry. I know, I've been there. This is all the more reason to keep yourself and your children and families away from those things that destroy us from the inside out.

The Word of Wisdom is freedom, not constraint. Read more about it here, if you'd like.

For the Strength of Youth (and Adults)

Well folks, that is all. Don't do drugs.

Me plus 10.

2011-03-06T22:08:00.000-08:00

I love blogging.

Have you ever seen the movie Life As We Know It? It's fantastic. It has Katherine Heigl (name spell?) and Josh Duhamel (delicious) in it; they raise this baby. It's pretty great actually, check it out.

Anywho, there is a scene in the beginning of the movie when they first meet. He is this hard core biker dude and she is this sweet little flower of a girl. They clearly have nothing in common. He is trying to get out of the date they are supposed to be on and starts making snide comments (there is a point to this story I swear). He starts trying to find things for her to do in exchange for the date and he says,

"You could blog. Do you blog? You look like you blog."

Clearly, insulting her. Made me feel about this <--> big (that's me holding my fingers close together to indicate smallness). Insulted me too. I am that girl, that girl who sits at home and blogs. Whatev.

I mostly just love to write. My dad told me I should write a book now that I graduated college. I think he was just trying to think of things to occupy my time.

...anyway, here it goes. Serious post numero dos, the second question of the list I posted last time (refer to below post so I don't have to re-upload the picture, please and thanks). The question is this:

WHERE WOULD I LIKE TO BE IN TEN YEARS.

Hi, job interview question. Yay for all the times I have answered you. This question always seems funny to me because people rarely answer it in full. They give it the, "I don't care where I am in life in ten years, as long as I am happy." Behold, I say unto you, "Oh my measly goal." (Yeah for the John Bytheway reference).

I mean, yeah, life will probably never turn out the way I have it planned, and I really hope I am happy in ten years, wherever that may be. But really? Talk about a cop-out answer. Make some goals people. I HATEEEEE when I feel like I am not working toward any kind of a goal. I am having serious college withdrawl right now because I don't feel like I have anything to work toward. So, make some goals (talking to myself), and don't settle (talking to anyone who answered the above question with the cop-out answer).

So, to answer the question in full. A few places I would like to be in ten years include, but are not limited to, the following:

1. Still single, living on a yacht in the Carribean, with Jack Sparrow as a companion and an unlimted amount of Nutella nearby. Talk about livin' the good life.

JK. BS.

Ok for real this time:

1. I would like to be working in a job I want in the career I want. I may not have advanced to my glory position by then, but I want to have gotten my feet wet in the Music Marketing Industry (I have been applying to jobs in this area lately, crossing fingers for an offer). I may not be working the Marketing for Madison Square Garden in NYC or monitoring Carrie Underwood's iTunes sales, I may even just be monitoring the advertising for the Gammage Theatre in Sweet ol' Tempe AZ, but it would still be in the industry I love, therefore I'd be winning. This dream may change, but it's a goal to work toward for now. I would also be happy working in a hospital administrative position, both are dream positions.

2. I would love to have a savings and some money built up. I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck. I am not necessarily in that position now, but I would like to be more responsible with my money by then. I would like to use the schooling I had and apply it to preparing for my future (retirement funds, savings for my unborn children's college education, etc.). In ten years I will have both funds set up and well in the direction they should be.

3. I will be consistent with my genealogy and year supply. These are both commandments I utterly fail in. I will have a handle on them in ten years. (shout out to my girl Jacquie, we need to get on that pronto!).

4. I will have attended an Olympic Opening Ceremony. It's a bucket list item, and I want to do it as soon as money permits. It's been a life long dream, don't want to leave this world without having done so, so I best cross it off in the next ten years!

5. I will be a regular temple attendee. I hope to go once a month (kind of a measly goal). If I live close enough, I want to go at least twice per month.

6. I will be a home owner.

7. I will be a marathon runner.

8. I will have no debt save a home, car, and education expenses. I will not be in debt because of credit cards, unecessary items (boats, quads, etc.), and other such things.

9. I will be (at least a basic) guitar and piano player. Two of my love and passions, yet two things I have failed to master thus far. Now that I have no homework, all I have are excuses standing in my way. I best get on it! Ps. anyone who wants to teach me is more than welcome, just saying. P.p.s. in the 'husband search' area of my life, those two qualities are quite welcomed. P.p.p.s. there really is no 'husband search' area of my life. Husband can find me, I like single life too much for my own good.

10. I can't think of a 10th place I want to be. So sad. So, I will mention a goal instead. I will have read the quad (BOM, Old Testament, New Testament, D&C) all the way through. Sad I haven't yet, right? I have read the BOM multiple times, and most of D&C. I have gotten to Leviticus & Luke several times, but I always get caught up and never finish the Old and New Testaments. I have studied them both quite closely in institute, yet have not read them cover to cover myself. In ten years, I will have.

Who knows what else may happen. Maybe I will be married to a sweet husband with a few lovely kiddies and a white house with blue shutters and a porch that wraps all the way around. Maybe I will be single, living the good life, travelling the world and working for Katy Perry (bad choice, I would never work for her. I'll use the Carrie Underwood example again instead). That's where the "be happy with wherever I am" part comes in. I do hope to be happy at that stage of my life. But, life never turns out as we expect, so I make goals and plans now with the attitude, "come what may, and love it."

I hope we all take the time to write down our goals. Having something to work for gives our life purpose and meaning. Even if I stay working at West Christensen in Flagstaff for the rest of my life, I still may have some of those things in ten years. Goals are good. Self confidence, positivity, love for life. All come from working toward a goal. I challenge you, if you are a "I don't care where I am in ten years, as long as I am happy" kind of person, to set some goals. Work toward them. I heard a quote once from a good friend that went something along the lines of, "hard work doesn't garantee you anything, but without it you don't stand a chance." Having goals doesn't garantee you anythig, but without setting a few, you don't stand a chance (might be an extreme statement, but you get the point).

Yay for interview questions. Happy week.

Why so serious?

2011-02-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

I need to start writing about serious things. I make a lot of sarcastic comments and I joke a lot in my writing... I need to write about things that matter. Politics, religion, etc. These things, however, usually cause conflict (much like the justin bieber topic I recently brought up). So, I stole/borrowed this list from Rasha (find her blog And This is What She Said, she is a talented writer, pay the site a visit). It asks alot about me, which is a good way to avoid controversy, ha. So, although it won't be 30 days in a row, lets see if I can handle tackling 30 different topics.

Topic one. Discuss how single life is.

Which version, the one I claim or the truth? Being single is like... sticking needles in my eye. I hate needles, and I hate eyeballs. You can imagine what that says for single life.

Oh, wait, I said no sarcasm.. I might fail at this.

Single life is a wonderful time. I learn things about myself I never could have found had I been in a relationship. Likewise, people learn things in a relationship they could have never learned had they been single. The point I am getting at is that your relationship status should not define you. Whether you have found someone who makes your heart beat faster and slower at the same time, or you are still in search of that someone, you should be happy in either state. Each status has its advantages, the important thing is to remember your blessings according to whichever situation you are in.

BUT... since the question was about how I am handling single life.. My love life has been pretty ridiculous the last few years. I was absolutely in love two years ago. I was ready to marry. But, as it always does, life happened. Since then, time after time I have been let down by what I thought were very solid relationships. I have not dated anyone seriously, but I have been hurt by people both intentionally and unintentionally. People who I thought were friends have broken my heart. People I thought would never hurt me let me down. People who I have trusted have deceived me.

I do my best to be understanding of circumstances, but it still hurts. Because of this, I feel very guarded. I feel damaged, and want to avoid any more of these painful feelings I have had in the past year or so. I choose to avoid the chance of being hurt again. I know this is no place to be, it is pretty weak really. Each day, however, I get a little bit stronger. Improvement, no matter how small or insignificant, is really all we can ask for right?

I have a very distinct idea of relationships in my mind, and it's no help. I have this fairytale type of love idea in my mind that I can't shake, and it- in turn- makes me very picky. I don't mean I am looking for the perfect guy who pulls out all the stops, but in a way I am. I think I deserve to find what I am looking for. I will not get married to the first guy who will have me because marriage is what is expected of people my age. I will just be patient.

Also, I have a very skewed idea of dating. Most people view dating as a way to get to know somebody. Others think of it as a free meal. I think of it as a waste of time if you know you would never marry the person. That is a fault that usually leaves me to be alone on Saturday nights. I try to be more open minded, I am working on it. You marry the people you date, though, so my idea can't be completely crazy. But I also know it is difficult to get to know somebody without spending time with them; without that, how would I know they were someone I would never marry? It's a vicious cycle. I wish I knew how to date for fun.

I also think I put off a ridiculous image that I am not interested in guys I am very interested in. I find it easy to flirt with guys I am not interested in because I am not worried about saying the wrong thing. Guys I am interested in, however, I find difficult. I struggle with giving them attention because I worry about messing it up (which in turn messes it up anyway because then they think I am in to the guys I am flirting with, it's another vicious cycle).

So, there you have it. A way too detailed and long insite in to my view of single life. The bottom line is that being single allows me to spend time with my family. I get to practice and attempt to perfect my talents. I get to travel to places I would have never seen otherwise. It's all about embracing the situation you have been given, and enjoying the journey. That is what defines happiness in a relationship status, even if that status is defined by what we lack (i.e. single).

*cough "I can't go out, I'm sick"

2011-02-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

Oh, my bad. Not actually sick, just caught a little fever (but I know you know that movie right?).

Read these quotes:

"we underestimated the power of the bieb's... he's clearly like a minigod"

- Glee

(DISCLAIMER: I despise Glee, I am only watching it because they are singing Justin Bieber this week, and after watching Never Say Never, I am kind of in love with the kid.)

"I love Bruno, he would take a grenade for me."

-Aunt Rhonda

(When Kymber was making fun of the Bruno Mars song, Grenade.)

"There is a fine line between cougar and creeper."

-Mom

(When she was talking about her would-be crush on Justin Bieber.)

...I just needed a place to put those quotes, aren't I surrounded by funny people? You think I'd be funnier because I am their offspring.. and yet somehow...not. It's probably a product of my lameness. It's a true equation, like,

making crafts + listening to justin bieber + eating a bag of dove chocolates = impossible to be funny

Oh well, can't change the scientific fact.

I want to talk a minute about obsessions. I have the most obsessive personality, it's ridiculous. It's a good thing I am not a drinker and gambler because I would be a broke alcoholic. I get on a kick of something and just can't let it go, it's a little wierd. I start to like something and I can't get enough of it, all of my focus revolves around it, it's unhealthy.

The reason I bring this up is because I recently started to like justin bieber (it's not illegal, the cougar rule says 1/2 my age plus five... which equals 16, so its perfectly ok). Ever since then, I have gone a little crazy. I am determined we were meant to be, like,

"Misty, why aren't you married?"

"Oh I probably won't be married for two years or so."

"You have a missionary?"

"Oh no, that's just when Justin Bieber turns 18."

........................................................

.............................................................

.......yeah.

I mean, it makes sense though... I am from Heber, it rhymes with Bieber. Purple is my favorite color, he wears purple shoes. Usher is his mentor, which rhymes with Gusher- that happens to be my favorite fruit snack. It's fate.

I'll probably be embarassed I wrote all of this as soon as I post it, but whatevs, I am embracing the Bieber Fever. I dare you to watch Never Say Never and not have some respect for the kid.

long live toontown

2011-02-11T19:41:00.000-08:00

(press play on the video to get the full effect of the song with the post)

Have you ever felt at home at place that wasn't home?

Have you ever felt part of a family with people who weren't actually related to you at all?

Have you ever been so touched by a place that is becomes a small part of your soul?

Here is a place where friends become family.

Here is a place where memories are made.

Here is a place where good friends become best friends.

Here is a place where magic happens.

Here is a place where hearts are tied and love is shared.

Here is a place where friendships are bonded across continents.

Here is a place where dreams become a reality.

Here is a place where you can be a five second celebrity.

Here is a place where tears are shed out of love, not sadness.

"Take a moment, promise me this. That you'll stand by me forever, but if fate should step in and force us into a goodbye, if you have children someday, when they point to the pictures please tell them my name."

"how the Kingdom lights shines just for me and you"

"all the magic we made"

Here is a place where...

Lamar dresses in Belle wigs and sings for all the world to hear.

Misty & Kelsey dance around singing HSM3 at the top of their lungs like it's nobody's business.

Dreams are made reality backstage during the fireworks on New Years Eve.

Zack hops fences to pull apart fighting guests.

Little girls stop the world from spinning while singing "A Whole New World."

Debbie says Toontastic about everything that happens.

Misty's face is plastered on the walls of the tunnels.

Alberto becomes a pirate and (probably scares) makes little kids laugh during the Halloween parties.

Stacey dresses like Mother Goose and reads children's stories during Christmas parties.

Moraiba says, "we need to focus" and everyone dies laughing because it sounded like she said something else ;)

Javier asks if Spiderman will now be appearing in the Magic Kingdom.

"Caution: you are now approaching the unloading area, please slow down, and do not strike the car ahead..."

Taking strollers to the hub becomes more of an adventure than a chore.

Driving the pargo to the tunnels is the highlight of a day.

"YO COLLEEN- I HATE THIS JOB!"

You do the cha cha slide and the macarena every day... then miss it when you leave.

RIP Toontown. You were, are, and always will be home to me. You are a part of my heart. Nothing can ever replace you. Toonies, you know who you are, I love you, always and forever. You hold a special place in my heart. Once a Toonie, always a Toonie. Now go out there and show the rest of MK how real work gets done.

"For a moment a band of theives in ripped up jeans got to rule the world"

It's always fun o'clock in funville.

2011-01-27T17:41:00.000-08:00

33 things you don't care to know:

3 fav jams this week:

Goodnight Moon- Go Radio

You be the Anchor- Mayday Parade

If it Means Alot to You- A Day to Remember

3 fav post-big-girl-job activities:

Run

Paint

Throw down a rap jam with the cuz

3 fav mindless tv adventures:

Thank You Notes

Web Redemption

Modern Family

3 fav things to read:

Business Week (that's right)

Hunger Games

Today in History
(it's no secret i'm a nerd)

3 fav duds (found that on

thesaurus.com, haha) to sport:

Vans

Michigan Football sweatshirt

True Religions

3 fav teams:

U of M Wolves

UNC

Suns

3 fav apps:

Angry Birds

Google Goggles

Epic Fails

3 fav people to follow on twitter:

Jimmy Fallon

Ryan Seacrest

Daniel Tosh

3 places on the 'to go' list:

Fiji

Nice, France

To hell if I don't change my ways

(don't judge, I got that
from my bishop)

3 bucket list items:

Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Running with the Bulls

Learning to surf

3 fav adventures:

Snowboard

Travel

Wakeboard

Someday, I'll be a knight.

2011-01-25T21:12:00.000-08:00

Hello friends. Another random thought from yours truely.

The other day I was watching a Knight's Tale and Heath Ledger's character [rip :( ] said something that stuck out to me. Right when he is sitting on the horse, in his armor, about to joust for the first time, he says:

I've waited my whole life for this moment.

I got to thinking, what have I waited my whole life for? Everyone has that moment when they realize what they are about to do is what their whole life has been about. Everything, up until that point, doesn't matter at all. It is all about this moment, this minute, this second, you have waited your whole life for.

Everyone has a different moment they have been waiting for.

[btw this picture rocks]

Everyone has a different idea of that moment, but it's just as important to every one of us. It is amazing, breathtaking, life changing. The more I thought about it, the more I realized there is no question as to what that moment is.

It is a moment I have worked toward my whole life. Every decision I have made, every chance I have taken, every opportunity I have taken advantage of has revolved around this life changing moment. No choice I have made has been without this in mind. I have missed out on things, I have said no when the world would have me say yes, I have been mocked and teased and judged for this moment. And yet I know, without a single doubt in my heart, that when that moment comes (hopefully far in the distant future) none of that will matter. I know that as I wake up that day, walk up those steps, and stare up at this place, I will say to myself...

Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like the Steelers.

2011-01-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

I've got your back in all things.

Something I have said many times, but only to a few people. I try to live up to that. Many times I fail. But I try to keep that promise.

There are some people we all have that relationship with. My family. My closests friends. The ones I hold the closest to my heart. To me, that is one of the most powerful promises you can make to a person. Saying 'I love you' tells them alot, but I think you can love someone and not always have their best interest in mind. But having their back in all things... that is powerful. That's a true blue pinky promise to support them no matter what. It is a verbal bond that means you will always have their best interest in mind. You will not question them, their actions, their words, their deeds. Never. You have their back, in ALL things.

When I choose to take on this commitment, to promise to always support someone no matter what, I automatically place them among the most important people in my life. I would never do anything to hurt them. I would never say anything that would cause anyone to question their character, their integrity. I would never allow myself to break their heart.

It's really hard when the people I hold in this regard don't feel the same. It kind of feels like someone punched a hole through my chest. Just sayin.

Random Rant

2011-01-23T17:51:00.000-08:00

Today my cousin and I were decorating our house with these bizzare bubble stickers.

We decided we wanted more fun decorations so we peaced out and headed to the World Market to see what we could find. There was plenty of lovely things, but the sweet little something that caught our eye was nowhere near the home decorating categroy. What we found was butternut squash pasta sauce. Can you say amazing? Actually is sounds sick (sick the way it used to be used- as in gross). But my cousin was determined to try something new. We wanted to be all...cultured. So we grabbed it, some tortellini, delicious oil & garlic dipping sauce, some amazing blackberry pomegranate italian soda (seriously that stuff is my new favorite, PLEASE go try some!).

Yummm.

Also, I love it when people post random useless information on facebook. I especially love statuses that explain every single second of someone's day.

Example:

(soandso) just woke up! I climbed out of bed. Then I said my prayers. Then I went to the bathroom. Then I went downstairs. Then I ate some cereal. Then I checked my watch. Then I took a shower. Now I am puting on my mascara as I update my status. As soon as I am finished I am going to walk to my car and then I will drive down the street then I will turn right then left then right and end up at the supermarket where I will buy cheese. Love you facebookers!

Also, I REALLY love status games when people change their last name to the first person who 'likes' their status. It's especially awesome when I don't know who my friends are because of these fun games.

And last, but not least, I love when people leave everyone hanging out their status. [(soandso) is so sad.] [comment: why?] [no response]. If you don't want to talk about it, there is this thing where you don't have to post it on facebook. Crazy how that works.

I am sure this is all exactly what Mark Zuckerburg intended when he created what was once known as 'The Facebook'. I think perhaps the Winklevii should have suggested not only exclusivity for college students, but also for everyone who doesn't want to deal with Farmville invites and 30 comment long status conversations.

Sorry if that rant is offensive, it is late and I am tired. Facebook means different things to different people. Everyone can use it how they like. I just had to put my thoughts somewhere.

He moves crowds, guaranteed!

2010-12-26T15:42:00.000-08:00

What do you do guaranteed?!

If you tell me what that's from, ten bonus points!..

Anyway-

The other day I went to the movies with my mother, sister, and Emma. The movie was called 'How Do You Know' (or something like that, I can't remember honestly). There is a part in the movie when the girl goes to visit a psychiatrist. She doesn't stay long; she decides it is not the kind of help she needs. On the way out she asks (this is paraphrasing),

"Have you found, through your work, a general answer or advice that can generally help anyone, through generally anything, in any general situation, in general?" (she really used that many generals)...

The guy answered,

"Yes. Figure out what you want, and figure out how to ask for it."

Genius.

That's so simple, yet so profound. I think that if I had only done that the last 22 years, I would have saved myself alot of stress. I think of it in two different ways:

1. Know what you want in terms of people. Decide what you would like, what would make you happy, what choice would benefit the most people, whatever. However you come to the decision, figure out what you want. Then, ask for it. That part is not always easy, that is what you have to figure out. I think you'll notice it becomes a lot easier after you know what you want. It is not knowing that holds you back. Not knowing what you want is what distracts you from asking for it; this, in turn, keeps you from solving things. When I am having life issues, it is because I don't know what I want. When I do know, I have something to work toward; I have a goal to achieve. The not knowing is what stresses me out, keeps me wondering, and causes problems. Just keep it simple. Figure out what you want, and figure out how to ask for it.

2. Know what you want in terms of prayer. I struggle so much in this area. I often want to just pray and have the right choice just come to me. "Tell me what you want me to do, Heavenly Father, and I'll do it." It's not so easy. We are not commanded in all things; we are expected to be anxiously engaged, and to do many things of our own free will and choice. If this is true, then I can't always ask the Lord to tell me what to do. This is where the advice comes in. If we figure out what we want (righteous desires of course :), we can then figure out how to ask for it. I think (this is gospel according to Misty) that there are different ways to ask for things. We can ask directly, through prayer. But I also think we can ask for certain things through our actions. We can ask for financial blessings through paying tithing; we can ask for spiritual blessings through keeping other commandments, etc. If we know what we want, we can figure out the best way to ask Heavenly Father for it.

I am sure there are other ways in which this advice is helpful. It is, after all, a "general answer that generally helps anyone, in any general situation, in general."

I just wanted to share.

Brace for impact...

2010-12-21T23:44:00.000-08:00

These past few days I have had a sort of a staycation if you will. I have been in my Heber home by myself, doing boring things such as laundry and baking. I think in these two days I have seen every episode of both Rob and Big and Fantasy Factory (ever). It brought me to a few conclusions:

First, I will have a bulldog that skateboards. Now I know what you are thinking, "but Misty, you can't skateboard, how will you teach this to your adorable pup?" No worries kids, I have that under control. I have plenty of skateboarding friends. If all else fails, I have already decided Rob is my soulmate so I will just have him teach the thing. Also, if you are here to tell me bulldogs are fat, ugly, slobbering, wastes of space.. (in the words of a nice lady in Winslow) 'get outta ma face'. I know they are a pain, but I will love it anyway. Good day sir.

Also, I want to have a zip line and/or foam pit in my home. That one is completely unrealistic, but a girl can dream.

Anyway..

The real reason I am here is to talk about something else. Right before graduation, a good friend of mine told me to "brace for impact of adultish crap." Probably the best advice I have ever been given. I'm not sure I was braced enough, the impact hit pretty hard, but I was glad to be warned. He wasn't kidding.

Trying to find where to start your life, a place to live, a job, and work around all the people/technicalities standing in your way all while being college broke and doing so in a timely manner so people don't consider you a loser... not that easy. I have been so stressed and confused, wondering why none of it has worked out thus far. Then today a thought came to me,

"Where is your faith?"

I felt a little ashamed for being so greedy. I am so incredibly blessed. I think I was expecting the world to fall into place.. right in to my hands.. just because I was graduating. Maybe all this waiting is teaching me patience all while feeding me a little taste of humble pie. How can I be blessed with such things without a trial of my faith? And how can I be blessed without proving my willingness to put my trust in my Heavenly Father? I realize now I just need to know my prayers will be answered in the best way, even if that way isn't my way (or in my time, which is where I struggle most).

I also need to focus on what is most imporatant this time of year, the Savior. This is a time to reflect on His birth, life, example, and most importantly, the amazing gifts He has given us. The atonement and resurrection allow us to be blessed beyond anything we can imagine. This time of year is a time to love as He loves, to share what we know of Him, and to show our thanks for what He has done for us by being more like Him (every time of year is a time for this, but this time especially :). We can thank Him for His amazing gifts through random acts of kindness and serving others. I hope to remember that these next few days rather than focusing solely on myself and the stresses of everyday life. There are more important things to think about than being jobless, homeless (not literally), and broke. Christ was born in a stable, placed in a manger, and wrapped in swaddling clothes. He came from the most humble of beginnings, yet He never thought of Himself; He worried only about us. I hope to be more like my Savior this Christmas.

Ps. I am not sure how this started out as a rant about Fantasy Factory and turned in to a Christmas testimony. I don't mean to take away from the importance of the holiday with my silly stories about tv shows.
P.P.S. I have my Ragnar Relay in Feb, yeah? Well I haven't run in about a month, I used being busy as an excuse. Anywho, yesterday I tried to prove to myself I still had it in me, so I pulled an 8 mile run. Worst. Idea. Ever. I can barely walk! I nearly cried walking down the stairs this morning. Another taste of humble pie. Ha, pathetic.

get my swag on

2010-12-16T13:10:00.000-08:00

Misty vs. Graduation

2010-12-10T10:53:00.000-08:00

Completed final papers and presentations this week: 5

Mental/emotional breakdowns: 1

Score as it stands:

Misty: 2

College: 1

One week. Four finals. I can almost taste it.

Top 10 Christmas Favs

2010-12-06T16:48:00.000-08:00

Top 10 favorite Christmas songs 2010:

10. I Won't be Home for Christmas -Blink 182

(listen to it haha)

9. All I Want for Christmas is You -Mariah Carey

8. O Holy Night -Relient K

7. Where Are You Christmas -Faith Hill

6. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays -Nsync

(don't judge me, it's a childhood classic)

5. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing/Gloria -Mariah Carey

4. Christmas Lights -Coldplay

3. 30 Days -Never Shout Never

2. Baby, It's Cold Outside -Zooey Deschanel & Leon Redbone

1. O Holy Night -Nsync

(yes, it's on there twice, I love it, capisce? and once again, don't judge me for listening to Nsync Christmas, that song is amazing)

Christmas :)

2010-12-06T16:27:00.000-08:00

I'm currently baking cookies, cupcakes, and rice crispie treats while listening to Christmas music and wearing a Minnie Mouse apron, I am so domestic right now.

I <3 Christmas

10

2010-12-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

Ten pointless things that I just want to tell someone:

10. I hate the song Silent Night.

9. My favorite Christmas song is O Holy Night.

8. I cried when Dobby died (twice).

7. Ron Weasley is my boyfriend in my mind.

6. The Jim Carrey version of the Grinch is possibly my favorite movie.

5. I haven't been kissed in two years on the 28th of this month. Some consider this an accomplishment, some consider it pathetic. It is what it is I guess.

4. Sometimes, when I am feeling lazy, I say "go go gadget arm" hoping it will work so I don't have to get up (it never does).

3. I hate when people use facebook as a journal; if you do this, we do not need play by play of your life peeps (no offense.. I guess if this makes you happy, or you really do count it as a journal, eat your heart out, I will just delete you from my news feed. Jk. But seriously).

2. Since when did spandex and/or leggings become acceptable as pants? They are not pants people, they are intended to be worn in addition to, not instead of, the typical clothing used to cover your lower extremities.

1. There was a girl at the movies wearing a spaghetti strap shirt and uggs. I don't want to judge the girl, I am sure she was nice.. but girl, you just have to choose one or the other. Is it hot or is it cold? We all know it's not both.

You be the Anchor that Keeps my Feet on the Ground, I'll be the Wings that keep your Heart in the Clouds

2010-11-26T11:59:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with life changing decisions.

2010-11-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

Well folks.. I graduate from college in just over three weeks. Woah. I may be slightly wiggin' out. I know I write about this alot, but it's a huge time in my life, like, "don't make the wrong decision because it effects the entire rest of your life." Yeah, they make it all seem so simple. N.O.T.

Kymber and I had decided to move to the valley together. I am sure you are thinking, "you can go anywhere in the world, why the valley?" Two reasons:

1. I lived in two amazing cities before now (Viterbo and Orlando). Both were fun, new, adventerous. Both offered me so much, yet offered me so little. I loved experiencing them, but I hated being so far from home. It is nice to get out and explore the world and see what I can become, but why do it all alone? If I were to move in with my sister, I could do all these things while spending time I will never get back with someone I love dearly. Sadly, we won't both be single forever (or maybe we will, but you get my point), so why not spend this time with her? Phoenix is a city just like Seattle, New York, London, Boston, all the places I would love to go. But Phoenix has Kymber, and it close to home. So Phoenix it is.

2. See #1, that was pretty much it.

Last weekend, though, I went to the valley for a concert (mayday parade = amazing). I went half insane just trying to get to the venue. The traffic was making me crazy. I began to realize I have never even liked the valley. I always told myself I would never just "move to the valley". Bor. ing. (No offense to people who live there, it just isn't my forte).

Then, yesterday it snowed. Hello, snow. I nearly cried real tears of joy. I love snow. Also, Saturday night we drove 20 minutes and were in the middle of nowhere making smores over a fire. I was so happy! I love the woods. I love the middle of nowhere. I love the trees and the mountains. Phoenix = none of that. Blech.

I talked to Kymber about changing our plans.

"Why not live in Flag, Kymber?"

"Sure, but where will you work?"

Oh. Work. That's what people do after college. Forgot that part. Find a job, in this town? But where? So now, here I am, deciding between my happiness and my career. I mean, I am sure life will be perfectly adequate in the valley, but who ever wanted to describe their life as "perfectly adequate"? At the same time, I can stay in Flag and be blissfully happy about my surroundings, while maintaining a perfectly adequate job. But who goes to college for four years only to find a job that is "perfectly adequate"?

There is so much potential for the career I want in the valley, yet so much potenital for the small town lifestyle I crave in Flagstaff. How do I choose?! I know, prayer and fasting. I am doing those things.. but my sister needs an answer. She has to register for school soon. So I am trying to put somewhat of a rush on this life changing decision. Let's hope my answer is what it best! Darn you life for being so simple, yet so complicated.

I love this little girl

2010-11-13T12:27:00.000-08:00

"I'm a cute little girl with a cute little figure, stand back boys till I get a little bigger"

Music and Lyrics

2010-11-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

I used to always say I felt bad for people who listened to music for the music and not the lyrics. I couldn't stand music that sounded good but said things like:

"You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh."

Come on Rihanna. Seriously who wrote that down and thought, "man, that's good stuff right there. Lyrics of champions." Not.

Sorry if you love that song, but really? I could go on and on about those songs. Fergie is the worst about it ("like a little school mate in a school yard, we'll play jacks and uno cards, I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine" I can't take it.). ..but I am not here to talk about artists and their music. That's what makes them artists, they all have their own style. Besides, I have grown to rather like music with bad lyrics. Some of it is worth the music, and sometimes the lyrics are hilarious. I just learned not to take them seriously.

Example:

"I sing just like Aretha, so respect me like I’m Caesar

I kick it like Adidas, flowin’ sticky like adhesive

Be cautious, ’cause what I be on’ll leave you with amnesia

I break all the rules like Evel Knievel

It’s a spectacular show, ’cause my heart pumps diesel

So whatever you saying, it don’t entertain my ego

I do this everyday, Hocus Pocus is my steelo"

Ridiculous, but I love it.

Anyway, what I want to talk about is having mad respect for lyrical genius. Some people are lyrical prodigies I swear. Some people can just say things that make me wonder "how in the free world did they ever come up with that?" They say exactly what I am thinking or feeling in ways that describe it so perfectly. Maybe my vocabularly is simply lacking and therefore I can't be so creative myself; either way, it's impressive.

I am a song repeater to the core. I listen to the same song over and over (and over and over and over) again. Just part of my obsessive personality I guess (working on overcoming that). Anyway, lately I have had the same six songs on repeat. They are on a playlist on my computer and the playlist just repeats and repeats and repeats (Pete and Repete were sitting on a wall, Pete falls off and who is left? Think about it.). I have noticed all the songs are either horribly depressing or rather romantic. What can I say, I am a girl. Anyway, I hate to be terribly boring and post all the lyrics that I love, but where else can I share them? At least here you have the option of the red X in the top right corner to help you escape if you are terribly bored, rather than in conversation when you would just be listening to me ramble.

"Would it be ok if I took your breath away?"

"I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours, it's simply radiant."

"I just feel complete when you're by my side."

- A Day to Remember

"...with these few words you'll erase me, two years of our lives meant nothing to you, but this fool that you've made of me has a lesson learned: you can't trust a lover who was never a friend."

"I would have offered my life, taken you home, made you my wife, but hearing you now filling your mouth with all cowace lies, you're just a disguise of the girl of my dreams, but I know she is waiting for me, so I'll open my eyes to the day that's before me and leave here to find that next something new."

-Emery

"I've been trying way too long to try and be the perfect song when our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone"
(Are you kidding? That's so incredibly true, so profound. Our hearts ARE heavy burdens. They are so much, so intense with so many different feelings, and we shouldn't have to carry that burden alone. We need another, a heart's counterpart, to help us carry the burden of our heavy hearts. Amazing.)

"How'd I ever breathe without a goodnight kiss from goodnight you, the kind of hope they all talk about, the kind of feeling we sing about, sit in our bedrooms and read about like a passage from goodnight moon."

"There you were as I saw my Juliet come graceful down the stairs, it's hard to miss the way her eyes light up the room and still the air"
-Go Radio

"She woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks."
-Ludacris
(Haha just teasing, that was sarcasm)

"Inside I hope you know I'm dying with my heart beside me in shattered pieces that may never be replaced"

(I said some were depressing :/)

"I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening, moonlight would provide the spark and that I would stumble across your key, or break down the door to your heart. Forever could see us, you and me, and you'd help me out of the dark. I gave my heart as an offering."

"I know that you want me to want you, I want to."

-Mayday Parade

I'll stop there, you get the point. I would start with some Taking Back Sunday, but I'd be here all day. Those kids are amazing, I don't know how they do it. Anyway, all these lyrics probably seem a little strange out of context, but listen to the songs, you'll get where I'm going with all of this. I probably seem a little emo after seeing more of the songs I listen to.. I just picked the ones with the kind of lyrics that mean a little something, you know? Anywho, just wanted to point out that sometimes music can be about more than just the sounds. The lyrics can say so much. Not to get all corny, but it really is poetic (I guess I am gangster in my mind and emo in my heart).

If you have stuck with this post all the way until now, thanks for listening to my rantings. Here is a little treat to break up the monotony, some comic relief...

Study Break

2010-11-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

626

2010-11-09T16:11:00.000-08:00

...days until Olympics: London 2012.

I'm so there it's insane. It is my graduation gift to myself... two years later. I am beginning my "Operation: London 2012" savings account as soon as I get a "real job". It has been a dream of mine to attend an opening cermonies since... well since forever, as far as I can remember, not really sure how long that is, probably since the beginning of time.

I think that if I save a small percentage (who am I kidding? It will be a rather large percentage, but with nobody but myself and my bills to pay for, I think it can be done) every month until 2012, I will have enough to pay for my trip. I love the Olympics like I love breathing, and London even more so. Michael Phelps 2012? Yes, please.

I also want an english bulldog. I better get a good job.

In other news, my little brother's football team is going to the state championship this weekend. They will be playing the Joseph City Wildcats (gag noise). Reminds me of ancient times when I was a young little lad (is a lad a boy? maybe I was never a young lad, just when I was a wee little one I guess) and we were faced with the same Wildcats for a state championship game. Every time this thought comes to mind, so does the famous line of a song you may know,

"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, MY FRIEND. WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE END. WE ARE THE CHAMPONS, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, NO TIME FOR LOSERS 'CAUSE WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS...OF THE WORLD."

That song is so much more fun to sing when you mean it. Yesssss. In your face Joseph City, my softball team of 2006 are the champions, I'll always have that to hang over your heads. All the members of my family have been state champions (Kymber pitched for our varsity team and therefore was part of my and Lacy's championship team). No pressure little bro, but you better win and uphold the family title. Go Mustangs. I bleed red (so does everyone else, but, you know, I bleed red for the Mustangs).

Some inspiration, little bro:

"Rise up and take the power back, it's time that

The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that

Their time is coming to an end, we have to

Unify and watch our flag ascend, so come on

They will not force us

They will stop degrading us

They will not control us

WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS."

-Muse.

Thankful November

2010-11-02T15:34:00.000-07:00

Wednesday: November 1st, 2010

I am thankful for my FHE Family.

Tuesday: November 2nd, 2010

I am thankful for those who fight for my right to vote.

Speak now.. or forever hold your peace.

2010-10-28T00:13:00.000-07:00

So.. today I bought Taylor Swift's new album. I am sure some of you are thinking "gag" and some of you are thinking "me too!". I like it, but I know many people think otherwise of Taylor Swift's music. That's ok, we all are entitled to our own opinions, interests, and tastes. I am not here to promote her in any way... I only bring her up because she is the inspiration of the subject I want to talk about.

Speak now. That is the title to her new album. When I heard her new song, "Speak Now," I wondered why in the free world she named her album after that of all songs. It is a little weird. I didn't like it... at first.

But then I read the prologue to her album. I will just quote it verbatim, she said it all way better than I could:

"'Speak now, or forever hold your peace,' the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race... So many fantacize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I have begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you.' When we should've said 'I'm sorry.' When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help....

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them. Or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.'

There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.

I don't think you should wait. I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK NOW."

-Taylor Swift

Brilliant. The girl is brilliant. I love that idea- speak now. I have a new found love for the song. There is a lyric in the song that says, "you need to hear me out and they said speak now." I will try to adopt that philosophy into my life (using it for good of course, there are always times to hold your tongue if you want to say something hurtful to someone). That line will hopefully be my anthem for saying how I feel when my fears and insecurities hold me back, as I all too often hold my feelings inside. Not to mention, I hope to use it to help me remember to be quicker to say I'm sorry and more eager to remind those I love how much they mean to me. No reason to hold all of that inside when it can do so much good being spoken aloud.

I hope you will take that in to account as well :)

I think whether or not we are a fan of hers, we can all agree with and maybe relate to what she said. I know I can do a much better job of speaking now. Do it, don't hold back. Don't hold it in, and don't find yourself living in regret because you wouldn't just say it.

Goodnight Moon

2010-10-26T00:24:00.000-07:00

I am in love with this song.

Self-Reflective Essay

2010-10-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

This is an essay I had to write for my capstone class. The only instructions were to write a self reflective essay on how I have changed since the beginning of college. I have fixed it a bit, revised and edited it for class, but here it is in raw form. I just wanted to share because it means alot to me to realized just how much I really have changed since freshman year:

When I graduated high school, I was a small town girl with no idea of the world. I had never stepped a foot outside the United States. I didn’t know the beauty of diversity. I didn’t understand that there were ways of life beyond that of a small town girl from Heber, Arizona. My parents had provided me with many opportunities, yet I had never experienced much of life on my own.

My first day of college, I had no idea what to expect. Stereotypical, yes, but true. I guess I figured it would be like high school, only glorified. For a while, it was. My classes weren’t particularly difficult. I didn’t drink or party or waste away my life being irresponsible. Although I did enjoy the freedoms of living on my own, I still had the self control to do homework, go to work, and maintain a social life. I had good grades and I worked hard. I knew what I wanted to do with my career; I knew who I wanted to be.

I was a business major, accounting in particular. I chose accounting because I liked numbers; I chose business because I liked men in suits (clearly I was very mature). I had never had a challenge when it came to school. I came to NAU on scholarship, part of which required me to have high grades. It wasn’t hard for me to attain high grades. School came natural to me.

Sometime during the second semester of my freshman year, my friend suggested we study abroad. I had no obligations and nothing to hold me down so I thought, “sure, let’s do it.” I chose to study in Italy. I chose it because I knew it was a beautiful place (and for no other reason). Who knew it would end up being the most amazing and life changing experience of my life.

I went to Italy just a small town girl. I went not fully realizing the challenges that lay ahead. I had never been anywhere where the people didn’t speak English. I had never been anywhere I couldn’t contact my mother whenever I decided to do so. I had never been given free rein to explore. I had never been in a situation where I felt fear, and had to use myself and my own instincts to overcome and remove myself from the situation. I had never been anywhere that tested my faith. I had never been anywhere that challenged my ability to think for myself. I had never fully taken care of myself.

Once I got to Italy, I realized nobody understood what I was saying. I realized I had no idea where I was going. I realized I couldn’t communicate asking for directions. I realized that certain gestures that were appropriate to an Italian felt completely inappropriate to me. I was irritated with the people for not understanding me. I was annoyed they couldn’t speak to me in ways I could understand. I was fearful I might be put in a compromising situation because I couldn’t read street signs. I was afraid. I was tested and pushed to the limit, and yet I was alive with the joys and pains I felt by being there.

I taught myself to love the Italians. I learned to embrace the language barrier because that meant we had something to learn from each other. I learned that the world does not revolve around me. I learned there is more to the world than Heber, Arizona. I learned to travel by myself. I learned to be aware of less than safe situations. I learned to buy a plane ticket and book a hotel room. I learned to use languages and gestures that I was not accustomed to. I learned to be adventurous. I learned to accept and embrace culture. I learned to pull myself out of bed and take myself to church. I taught myself how to cook because I couldn’t just call my mother on a whim and ask a recipe. I learned so many things about the world that I had never known before. I learned just how big the world really is.

I also learned to love and appreciate my family. I learned to love the times we are together, and to appreciate the ability I have to be in constant contact with them. I learned that I love the United States of America. I learned I am patriotic. I learned just how much I loved the wide open spaces and the pine trees. I learned that as beautiful as it was to find new culture, it was also beautiful to be home.

Upon returning to the US, I jumped right back in to school at NAU. I continued to work hard and get good grades, until accounting 302. I had taken accounting classes before, and done decent in them. Not my best work, but I figured it was just the aftershock of taking a semester off and moving abroad. But accounting 302, that was another story. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I hated school. I was never happy in it. I was miserable every day that I had to attend class. I couldn’t figure out the change in myself. I loved school, why was I feeling this way? Then one day it just came to me, “I don’t like accounting.”

That was not acceptable. I was going to be an accountant. Everyone knew I was going to be an accountant, and I couldn’t let them down. I am good with numbers, I have to like accounting. I went back and forth in my mind for several weeks over the topic. I didn’t know what to do, but all the time I was miserable. At the time, I had 18 credit hours. One day, I just decided to drop my accounting class. If I decided to go back, I could start over and retake the class. I f not, maybe that was my answer. After dropping the class, I realized that was what was making me miserable. I was so much happier without it!

So there I had it. I was no longer an accounting major. Where to go from there? I didn’t want to move out of the college of business because I was about 3 years in to it at that point. It wasn’t until I took Bizblock that I realized I wanted to be in marketing. It was the creative side of business, it was so fitting! I loved it; it was the best part of my week to be in marketing classes.

The change that took place in me as a result of changing my major was the realization that I had to be happy in my career, even if that meant telling people I couldn’t handle accounting. I learned to not worry what other people thought, and to do what was best for me. I learned that you can be good at something, and not enjoy it. I learned that college is more than just gaining an education; college is also a pre-step in deciding the rest of your life. Are you going to do what people expect of you, even if it makes you unhappy? Or will you find the courage in yourself to do what you want to do, what is best for you? I learned to do the latter, and I am so happy with my major choice as a result.

My senior year of college, I moved to Orlando for an internship at Disneyworld. I completed the college program there. When I moved to Orlando, I had never lived in such a big city before. I had never been so pressured to smile so much. I had never been taught appropriate customer service skills. I had never seen so much of the United States. I had never helped make anyone’s dreams come true. Disney gave me all of these experiences. I learned how to respond to frustrated guests. I learned how to calm a crying child. I learned how to love children. I learned how to keep smiling all day long no matter what. I learned that by simply playing the part, I was part of the magic of the Disney Company. I also learned the importance of the business side of life. I learned how a company should treat its employees. I learned how employees should treat the company they work for. I learned to trust and respect my overhead. I learned to voice my opinion. I learned to think for myself when finding solutions to problems. I learned to work in high stress situations calmly.

When I arrived home from Disney, I was once again thrown back in to school at NAU. This time it was harder. This time is was senior year. My classes were hard. My professors expected more of me. I didn’t feel like I had more to give. I felt so mentally drained after 4 years of college, and I was ready to be done. Because of this, I learned to push through these rough times. I learned to persist when I feel I have nothing left to give. I learned to keep moving forward when I feel it is time to quit. I learned I have it in me to succeed when I doubt my abilities.

So, here I am now. I am a second semester senior in college. In 10 or so short weeks I will be graduating. I WILL BE GRADUATING. I will receive a piece of paper that represents everything I have just shared. I will receive that confirmation that all I have been through was for a purpose. I will be able to walk up to somebody and say, “I have a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration in Marketing from Northern Arizona University.” Although that statement might mean little to some, to me it means the entire world. It means I have pushed myself to the limit and come out on top. It means I have taken advantage of the opportunities life has presented me with, and made something of myself. It means I have gone against all odds and succeeded. It means I have the world at my fingertips, to do with what I will. It means I can choose to be whatever I want to be because I have put in the time and effort to learn all I need to be a college graduate.

The biggest change I have seen in myself since my days as a measly little freshman from Heber, Arizona, since I was the girl who had never really been anywhere and had never experienced much about life is that I have learned. I have spent many hours with my face in a textbook and my seat in a classroom, but more importantly I have learned about life. I have learned who I am and who I want to be. I have learned more about the world than I ever knew before. I have learned to have courage. I have learned to have faith in myself. I have learned to seize the day, and take full advantage of every opportunity. I have learned to enjoy life, and to be happy. I have learned that college is not about graduation day, it is about all those hardworking days I spent to get there. It is about all the time I spent in Italy, in Orlando; it is about the time I spent deciding which major would make me the happiest. It is about the lessons I learned to get there. I have learned to find joy in the journey of life. I have learned to embrace people, places, and situations. I have learned that even the worst of situations can teach you the best lessons, as long as you are looking for the right message.

I am not the small town girl I was when I came to NAU. I still have those roots inside of me, but I have seen more of the world. I have had experiences. I have taken care of myself. I have grown and changed in more ways than just learning material in classes; I have been shaped and molded to someone who can survive in the world. I have learned life skills that can only be found by pushing yourself to get a degree. I have learned who I really am, Misty Dunny, college graduate, class of 2010.

Feelings ruin friendships.

2010-10-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Warning: this post may be a little "negative nancy"...ish.

The other day I was watching (500) Days of Summer. Amazing flick. It is so peculiar, yet so enticing. When it was over, I pushed play and started it over again. This time I paid closer attention. I listened to the lines, and I watched the movements of the characters; I studied their actions and reactions. When it was over (again), I realized something. I had thought about it before, but now I was positive...

The movie is written about me!

Ok, obviously not, let's not be absurd. But honestly, it is such a great portrayal of so many incidents in my life. Now, granted, there are some obvious parts that are nothing like me. If you have seen the flick, you will know which scenes I mean (in the video store, for example). BUT, that doesn't take away from the point I am getting at...

Three times. Three times in my life I have had a best friend. Three times I have had someone who means more to me than most other things. Three times I have had someone I would go the the end of the earth for, as long as it meant simply making them smile. Three times I have had the kind of friend that you don't even have to ask if they have plans because you already know you will be spending time together. Three times I have had the kind of friend that- when you show up somewhere without the other person at your side- people ask, "where is so-and-so?" both because they know you know the answer, and because they thought it strange you didn't show up together. Three times I have spent every waking moment with a person doing the most pointless things. Shopping at the grocery store, watching music videos at two am, laughing about army pants and talking about nothing. Three times I have had the kind of friend everyone wants... or think they want.

Three times they were guys. Kind, fun, amazing guys. Now,I do have a lot of female friends, but I have always had a particular attachment to male best friends. They are a great counterpart. They seem to just get you in ways that girl friends don't. They give you the opinions you need to hear. These friendships are fun and amazing and beautiful and just so EASY. It is easy to be around them, to be near them. You feel better just having them around. At least, that's how it was from my side of the story. Very few people understand every single thing about me. All three times, these boys have gotten me, to the core, exactly who I am. I loved it!

Three times, one of us has fallen for the other, and our relationship was ruined as a result.

Three times, one of us had stronger-than-friendship feelings while the other continued to view the relationship in the friend zone. Three times, one of us has confessed our feelings, and everything was detroyed. As hard as we worked to overcome it, nothing was the same again. As much as the one pretended to not love the other, you can't just stop loving someone. As much as the other wanted to make their best friend happy and love them back just the way they wanted, it wasn't there. As bad as we wanted things to go back to how they were, one of us was too hurt, and the other couldn't make themselves change their mind.

All three times it ripped my heart right out.

I loved them. It was friendship, but it was love as well. I cared more than anything about all three of them. I cared more than anything about how they felt, I wanted nothing more than to make everything ok again.

Three times I have lost my best friend. Three times I have had to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. Three times I have had to try to accept the change, and pretend to be happy when I see them with someone else. Three times I had to spend months alone because my best friend was gone.

There is a line in the movie (yes, back to (500) Days of Summer) that says:

Tom : No, you know what ? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.
Summer : Nothing’s going on. We’re just ..
Tom : We’re just what ? Just what ?
Summer : We're just friends ...
Tom : No. Don’t pull that with me. Don’t even try. This is not how you treat your friend.

That line hit me so hard. This is not how you treat your friend.

Maybe I don't know how to treat my friends. Maybe there are lines, lines I have not yet recognized between friends and more than friends, that I have crossed. It's so true, you don't treat your friends like an object, as a means to an end, as someone to cure the lonliness until you find someone you care more about. True friends would recognize they were crossing the line, and they would stop themselves before they hurt their friend. I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have fallen for a friend, and had a friend fall for me. In both cases, it hurt us both. We can't treat our friends like a means to an end. We must treat them as an end in themselves. If I have done this, I was unaware of what I was doing. I would never intentionally hurt my friends. I would especially never intentionally hurt those three best friends I have loved and lost.

I guess my point here is that I am lost. I don't know what to do... avoid male best friends I guess, or learn to treat them in a way so as we both understand our intentions.
I simply don't know. I just know that it hurts, and that right now, just in this moment, I truely believe that feelings ruin friendships.

Ps. I feel like I should add that I am still very thankful I had these friendships. They were well worth it, even if they didn't work out and we ended up growng apart. I wouldn't trade the times we had for anything! They are all still amazing people, and I am happy they are happy! :)

Temporary Home...

2010-10-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

If you can get through this without crying, you may want to go to the doc for a check-up because you possibly don't have a heart...

What a true and beautiful concept, this truely is our temporary home! I cry possibly every time I hear the song. It holds a special place in my heart :)

Like I used to...

2010-10-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with it :)

Ps. I made this, call me old but I love crafts :)

The bright side...

2010-10-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

In my politics class we were talking about World War II, and about how Admiral Yamamoto lived in the United States for a while. He got a degree in Michigan (that's what my professor said, wikipedia says from Harvard- the details are unimportant) as an engineer and I believe my professor said he worked in the auto industry here for a while (also, not that important to my point). Then, he went home to Japan and was an admiral for the Japanese Navy. He was the one who instituted the idea of Pearl Harbor. The war was the most brutal in history with the most lives lost (I won't go in to too much persuasion, I think we can all agree to the gravity of the event).

The point of this story is... in my notes, right above where I was writing all of this down, I wrote (and I quote):

"Thanks for pulling us out of the depression though, bud."

Talk about looking on the bright side. Haha I just thought this was a funny story I wanted to share. Have a happy Thursday, almost through week 6! :)

Thank you note.

2010-10-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Carrie Underwood:

Thank you for singing the soundtrack to my life.

...exactly how I feel lately.

P.s. I saw Carrie in concert this past weekend, can you say AMAZING?! Such a beautiful and talented woman!

P.p.s. If you watch Jimmy Fallon, you will get the thank you note thing, and you will probably see more of them.

Would it be ok if I took your breath away?

2010-10-01T00:25:00.000-07:00

If you know what song the title of this post is quoting, good for you because it's an amazing one!

Here we go again... one of these days...

It's another one of those days. I just have some things on my mind that I need to put somewhere. Lucky you! You get to listen to my rantings! If you are bored already, there is a big red X on the top right of the screen you can click and it will spare you :)

To be honest, I am just waiting for Late Night to come on. I LOVE Jimmy Fallon. Like, major celebrity crush.

I'm not even really attracted to him, it's not all about looks you know, he is just adorable and hilarious.

....anyway. First thing's first, I am terrible at love games. I am way better at just wearing my heart on my sleeve. Maybe it's because I am all about honesty in relationships, I don't know. Anyway, I wish I could take Lady Gaga's advice and "play the love game"... but I fail. I have heard it said that "he who cares the least controls the relationship"... guess I'll never be in control because I always care the most.

This commercial is amazing,and it makes my night every time I see it!

In three days I will be watching Carrie Underwood

I CAN'T WAIT!! :)

Also, General Conference this weekend. I LOVE General Conference. In institute we have been talking alot about modern day prophets (we are studying the Doctrine and Covenants) and I am just so thankful and excited to have the opportunity to hear the words of a modern day prophet. What a blessing!

This weekend my little brother is playing in the Homecoming football game. WOW. When did he grow up, and how so fast? Man, it makes me feel old!

I NEED a roadtrip :/

I have been thinking alot about change lately. Everything changes. Nothing stays same. Sometimes, I wish it did. People who were once your good friends, your very best friends, move on. It's just a fact of life, but sometimes... it's just hard.

I LOVE fall. I think spring and fall are my favorite seasons... no no no summer and winter are... oh I can't decide, I love them all! But fall... full of changing leaves, hoodies, football, all of it. It makes me so stinking happy inside!

I'll end there- on a good, happy note :) I hope you have an amazing weekend!

a little thought...

2010-09-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

"Beware of the wounds of battles in which you have been fighting on the wrong side."

T..B..S

2010-09-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

I know this is my second post about music in two days... but I have been studying all day, while quietly listening to my favorite boys in the background..

I think they will always be my favorite band. LOVE THEM.

Maybe I listen to weird music....

2010-09-27T21:35:00.000-07:00

I just love this band, and thought I would share. It's zooey deschanel... and some dude. I don't know his name. Anyway, they have an old school style that I just love! Senecca thinks I listen to weird music, so maybe not everyone will like it, but I do!

Listen to their song "In the Sun," it's one of the more popular ones!

Also, give Sky Sailing a try. It's Owl City before he was Owl City... with a more guitar sound instead of piano. It's amazing and I love it!

...and I am procrastinating homework like crazy right now, I really need to be better about that!

A thought on freedom..

2010-09-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

I want to start out with giving a shout out to my lovely dears, Colleen and Courtney. These girls are from my college program and I love them dearly! I skyped with them for about 3 hours today, it was so fun to just chat and play catch up with them! They are both amazing, and still working for Disney! I miss my Disney dream world daily. Love you girls!

Leen is the other blondie in the picture next to me, isn't she gorgeous?! Katy, Ashley, and Stacey are the other beauties, I love and miss all of you girls every day!

And my dear beautiful Courtney... she so purrrty! Love you Court!

This I just had to add because I love photo booth and thought it was fun :)

.... I want to talk about freedom. There are so many different types of freedom. Freedom to choose, freedom to speak, freedom to go where you want to go and do what you want to do, freedom to give, freedom to love. Freedom to be whatever you want to be. Yes, Leen, this thought was inspired by you.

Tonight on my skype date, Leen and I got to talking about what I was going to do after I graduate (can you tell that has been on my mind alot lately, I think all of my last few posts have been on it). I was telling her about wanting to do fashion marketing, how I might still consider the professional internship at Disney to get a foot in the door somewhere, about how I was going to apply to everywhere I was interested in and see how it all played out.

I can't remember her exact words, but she then said something to me that I'll never forget... "That's what's so fun about this time in our lives. I know it's scary, but it's also exciting. We aren't tied to anything, we can do whatever we want to do."

At that moment I felt the meaning of that word... FREE.

I feel like I could do anything, ANYTHING!

There are so many other types of freedom. Married couples have freedom to love unconditionally. College kids have the freedom to choose their futures. Mothers have freedom to raise their children. Fathers have freedom to choose family over work. Americans have freedom to choose freedom. We have freedom to choose religion. Humans have freedom to choose peace. Agency and the freedom to make choices for ourselves is a gift, and such a blessing!

Because of our service men and women we can live in a free country. What amazing people they are to fight for us! Because of the Savior we can choose freely. How amazing that blessing is! There are so many different definitions of freedom. On Saturday's Warrior, freedom is defined as "knowing who you are."

I think freedom means something different to all of us. To me, it is all of the above... freedom to believe how I want, freedom to choose my own future, freedom to live in a safe environment, freedom to love my family and friends... so many things make me feel free!

This is FREEDOM.

...and this is FREEDOM.

...this is FREEDOM.

Don't waste your freedom, whatever it may mean to you!

Ps. I am bound and determined to have me one of these...

Drum roll please....

2010-09-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

Helloooo frans!

I just have to say I am laughing so hard, out loud, watching the office. It's the dinner party episode... So funny!

Anyway, the other day I had a little epiphany!

I now know exactly what I want to do with my marketing career! I know what kind of jobs I want to apply for. The other day I was sitting in my advertising and promotions class and having so much fun (yeah FUN, in class, that's a sign). I decided I should apply for advertising jobs... I pondered what sort of advertising I wanted to do (food, household products, beverages, sporting equipment, etc.). Then the thought came to me..

-F-A-S-H-I-O-N-

...it all came together! The other night I was looking at a magazine.. I stopped on every advertisement and looked at the picture... I would judge the model they chose or the location of the picture, I would wonder what about that picture makes people say, "I want to buy this." I apologized to the people I was with for being so judgemental, but I realize now I have done that my whole life (even before I was a marketing student!). I have always looked at those ads, who does that? I do. It's not being judgemental, it's just studying the marketing.

I want to go in to fashion marketing and advertising.

I won't design any of the styles or fashion, and I know much about this is based on the photographer, but somewhere behind every one of those pictures is a marketer making the decisions. I will be that marketer.

...dreamin' big, but that's the point right? I applied for two jobs in California, here's hopin' :)

P.S. I saw my baby girls, I love them so!

Go Nike.

2010-09-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

That's right.

Thanks Mags for helping me find this.